Does This Make Me Look Fat?

Canadian sport is the brunt of many jokes, but Canucks take the jabs in stride and still find the humour in what's laughable from the ice to the water to the field and the court: * The head coach of the Toronto Raptors asked one of his forwards, ''Is your bad play due to ignorance or apathy?'' The player replied, ''I don't know and I don't care!'' * Q: Why did the Toronto Argonauts quarterback never have a phone installed in his home? A: Because he'd never be able to find the receiver. * A priest was walking along the beach in Nova Scotia when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore with a rope. ''That's what I like to see,'' said the priest. ''A man helping his fellow man.'' As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, ''Well, he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing!'' * And so much more!

J. ALEXANDER POULTON is a writer, photographer and genuine sports enthusiast. He's even willing to admit he has ''called in sick'' during the broadcasts of major sports events so that he can get in as much viewing as possible. He has earned his BA in English literature and his graduate diploma in journalism.