Love and Lovers (Secret Butterfly)

Chapter One

But if I know, then, if I love not him, I know there is none other I can love (Alfred, Lord Tennyson: Lancelot and Elaine)

Why Wait?

At the Firm, Bob worked closely with Barbara. She allotted dealers their portions of underwritings and monitored the interest level for Bob's deals as well as interest in competing firms' offerings. She was integral to the syndication and distribution process; always playing her cards close; never giving away information. She didn't suffer small talk or fools. Demand moved their underwriting deals along; deals were closed; companies got their money. Bank arrangements were clearly understood. Everybody looked to Barbara to know where things were in the deal pipeline. She cooled heated egos and kept the waters smooth. Bob was open to a more attractive offer from another firm. If he got one, he intended to take Barbara with him as a package deal. He liked their professional bond and dreamed of an intimate personal one.

One night while they were working late, he tried to open a personal conversation. "What do you do nights when you're not working?" He fished for some sign of her interest.

"I study business matters and investments, why?" Barbara's guard went up, she sensed a pass was coming.

"You have no outside interests?" Bob thought: 'Oh please, you gorgeous goddess, open your closed door a tiny bit.'

"I do have an outside interest: My people. They need me to learn all I can about investing and the business of running a firm so I can help them someday."

"But surely there must be more to your life than work?"

"Yes, of course. I love the outdoors. I mountain climb and rock climb. I also hunt and fish, usually with my father. I also run every morning to stay in shape." She let Bob know she was a busy girl. She kept her door closed.

"That's it? No man in your life?"

"Yes, there is a man in my life. But I haven't told him that yet. When I'm ready to tell him, you'll be the first to know." Her face lit up in an innocent, cheery and flirty smile. She fluttered her eyelashes at him. "Let's just keep everything professional between us, shall we?"

Bob sensed that she had just let him know that he was that man: 'She's teasing me, testing me. She wants me to feel like a cat who seeks a bag of catnip. She keeps that bag of catnip just beyond reach. This is beyond frustrating.'

Bob's desire for Barbara approached obsession, but she fended off all his advances and requested that he refrain from seeking a personal relationship. She was beautiful. Her allure naturally aroused male desires, although she made no overt efforts to generate those interests. With Bob, though, her demeanor was different. She'd alluded to her interest in him. But then she held his feelings under her cold shower of postponement. She gave him no hints about her mysterious reasons for the delay; and no timetable for ending it. Bob wanted romance with her. He was flummoxed. But Barbara rebuffed every advance he made to her. No poker player held their cards closer than Barbara. Big Chief, her father, was her romance coach.

So, when can I .......

While writing, I place my mind into the story, or saga, as I did in the SECRET BUTTERFLY SERIES(TM), and I let writing become part of my life. I felt compelled to move my three-volume saga (Passion; Insanity; Resurrection) forward; advance it to its conclusion. But, where I might have concluded first eleven SERIES books after LOVE AND LOVERS(c), the eleventh book of the romantic, erotically filled Passion volume, I thought that would be disloyal to our characters' souls and their butterflies' spirits. I decided I needed to keep our precious characters alive, as they continued living through their tempest tossed Insanity Volume. Finally, I needed to reincarnate them; give them new hopes and lives. And, I did. MURDER PROPERLY DONE(c); LOVE AND MADNESS(c); AND BUTTERFLY LOVE(c) complete the Insanity volume of the SERIES. AND CRIMSON MARIPOSA(c); CRIMSON AND PINK(c); LUST WHEELS(c); AND YES FOR LOVE(c), book eighteen, finish the Resurrection Volume of the SERIES. And OMEGA, THE END(c), bookends it. The three volumes complete my grand, secular antidote to religion as lived by the spiritual soul of heroine Marty. Now, I will step away from SERIES and write an entirely different story. I will next write about a lonely little girl and her feral cat friend. But my Series characters are still with me. They've taken up residence in my mind. I may revisit them. I don't know. But for now, I have done what I could for them. I've brought them to life for my readers and I have nurtured them. Now, I believe I must trust them to find their own ways with my readers. Writing! This compulsion to write has become my addiction; like smoking, drinking, gambling, and nymphomania are for others. But it is an addiction I enjoy. I do not wish to shake it.