Synopsis
Explains how friendship and romance hold the keys to achieving the maximum benefit from one's relationships, discussing three myths--the Personal Myth, Gender Myth, and Sexual Fantasy Myth--that can, if unexplored, control our lives. 25,000 first printing. Tour.
Reviews
Based on more than 30 years of treating couples through psychotherapy, Kantor, who has taught at Harvard University Medical School, believes that the underlying cause of dysfunctional relationships lies in crucial events in our life experience. In his view, we internalize these events by repeating to ourselves stories or myths of our experience. Using copious examples from his practice, Kantor identifies three myths crucial to the attainment of happiness and successful relationships. Strongest and most deeply hidden in our personality is the Personal Myth, the childhood tale of parental betrayal or disappointment that, as a grown-up, we seek to assuage in our search for a soul mate or perfect love partner. The Gender Myth is the story of our adult self, as we would wish to be, incorporating heroic attributes of people we have met or admire. Kantor deconstructs this heroic persona into three typesAthe Survivor, the Protector and the FixerAwith positive or "light" and negative or "shadow" attributes. The third myth, Sexual Fantasy, is the adult's story of sensual yearnings and lustful fantasies. According to Kantor, if love and sexuality are to be sustained, the partners must know their own and their partner's myths and shadows. In two appendices he offers couples advice on finding their own paths to healing. It seems unlikely, however, that without the presence of a skilled therapist, couples will successfully navigate Kantor's complex framework. Agent: Jill Kneerim at the Palmer and Dodge Agency; 20-city radio satellite tour.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Every marriage or long-term relationship goes through hard times. Kantor, a family therapist and founder of the Kantor Family Institute in Boston, argues that these difficulties can provide a mirror in which to learn more about ourselves and our potential as human beings. Three myths, formed in childhood, guide our intimate relationships: the personal myth of the ideal lover who will right our parents' inadequacies; the gender myth of identity, which sets the course for the way we look for love; and the sexual fantasy myth, which determines the way we want to love and be loved. Conflict between our own and our partners' myths makes us vulnerable to the pitfalls of difference, disappointment, and loss of sexual desire in our adult love relationships. Intimacy, self-discovery, and healing can result when these myths are identified and explored. Kantor gives case studies from his own practice and outlines a program for couples who wish to discover their myths and enhance their relationships. Recommended for popular psychology collections.ALucille M. Boone, San Jose P.L., CA
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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