Loyal to a Fault: How to Establish New Patterns When Loving Others Has Left You Hurting

Do you find yourself living as the people pleaser or peacekeeper? Do you avoid conflict? Learn how to overcome your fears about setting boundaries and step into a life that's overflowing with love, respect, and healthy relationships.

We are people who love patterns, even if returning to these patterns continues to hurt us or those we love. Some of the most harmful patterns of behavior are passed down through generations and inherited, often without our permission or awareness. The conflict arises when these behaviors are so deeply woven into early family systems that they later become part of our identities, clashing with who God has created and called us to be.

As a child, Courtney Burg quickly learned that remaining loyal to others meant keeping secrets, even if these secrets were keeping those she cared for most sick. Her efforts to sustain the peace followed her into adulthood and slowly left her depleted, discouraged, and drowning in the chaos—until Courtney discovered that not only did God grant her permission to engage in relationships differently, but that he gave her specific instruction on how to do so.

In Loyal to a Fault, Courtney Burg unpacks the various ways we cope with, enable, and participate in unhealthy relationships or generational trauma. Using personal examples and providing practical wisdom, Courtney helps you break free from codependent patterns by:

• Identifying the role you are playing in keeping the dysfunctional patterns going.
• Reframing what it means to love and remain loyal to those who matter most.
• Reminding you that boundary work is a biblical practice.
• Including end-of-chapter prompts for deeper introspection.

It is possible to learn how to love others well without losing yourself along the way. People pleasing, complaining, and exhaustion may be today's norm, but at any moment you can choose to do things differently. Begin setting boundaries and start enjoying relationships in all the ways God designed you to.

Drawing from her own experiences as a mother to girls, Courtney writes about the importance of cultivating a strong sense of identity and embracing body image in a way that honors God.

Through her online social media ministry, Courtney encourages mothers to help their daughters grow in their relationship with Christ and develop a lasting confidence that withstands the current social pressures. Her writings offer practical advice, spiritual wisdom, and heartfelt encouragement for mothers seeking to help the next generation of young women (while helping themselves).

Courtney has an MA in biblical and theological studies from Wheaton College. When she’s not writing, she enjoys spending time with her family and her new golden retriever Slater, and tending to her growing collection of random orchids.