Would you marry you? is a book about examining the relationship that you have with yourself and if you would make a lifetime commitment to yourself. Over two hundred questions about the relationship that you have with yourself are presented in this intriguing work. You will find the conversation that you have with yourself, your friends, and your family will take on many twists and turns as you discover if you really would marry yourself!
Would you MARRY YOU?
A clever, peculiar, and introspective book about a lifetime commitment to oneselfBy James C. Wadley AuthorHouse
Copyright © 2009 James C. Wadley, Ph.D.
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4490-1247-2Contents
Introduction........................................................................................51. Would you marry you?.............................................................................72. Yes, I would marry myself. On the other hand, maybe I wouldn't..................................553. "... til death do us part." What do I Really want in my marriage to myself?.....................634. Tips for marrying yourself.......................................................................695. Conclusion.......................................................................................71Suggested Reading...................................................................................73
Chapter One
World you marry you ... ... if you have a history of lying?
... if you make loud noises while you chew your food?
... if you are always rude to your family?
... if you are argumentative or often disagree with your family, friends, or professional colleagues?
... if you have too much sex and can't finish your work or take care of your responsibilities?
... if you don't like to have sex at all?
... if you have a history of flirting a lot?
... if you talk too much about trivial things?
... if you have a criminal record?
... if you spend all day playing video games rather than spending time with friends or family?
... if you consider yourself to be sexually imaginative or creative?
... if you often leave dirty underwear and laundry around the house?
... if you never or rarely spend time with your children?
... if you never attended church, mosque, synagogue, or temple to worship?
... if as a 20-, 30-, 40-year-old person, you never moved out of your parents' home?
... if you leave cabinet doors open all the time?
... if you know you drink too much?
... if you leave the toilet seat up or down?
... if you burp loudly after each meal?
... if you cheat on your taxes?
... if you fail to say "Please," "Thank you," or be courteous to others?
... if you consider yourself to be sexually conservative?
... if you abuse drugs?
... if you attempt to control other people?
... if you allow people to say or do what they want to you?
... if you brush your teeth less than twice a day and have a history of having bad breath or bleeding gums?
... if you know you are a poor cook and the food you prepare doesn't taste good?
... if you watch television all day and never want to leave the house?
... if you bite your fork while you eat?
.....if you swear too much?
... if you believe you always have to be right about everything?
... if you cannot forgive others?
... if you are chronically ill?
... if you routinely fall asleep in church, mosque, synagogue, or temple?
... if you have a history of never buying anyone a present during the holiday season but expect presents from others?
... if you've never performed any community service?
... if you don't clean your fingernails?
... if you've never voted?
... if you never give yourself enough credit for the things you've accomplished in life?
... if you have a history of biting your fingernails and spitting the shavings onto the furniture?
... if you use two or three parking spots for your car without regarding other people?
... if you never go to the doctor's office to get regular checkups?
... if you are a risk taker (e.g., jump out of airplanes; speeding in a motor vehicle).
... if you think your particular race or ethnic background is superior to another's?
... if you always use bad grammar?
... if you are quiet and introverted?
... if you have a history of being fired from your job?
... if you rarely or infrequently visit your dentist?
... if you are emotionally needy or clingy?
... if you throw tantrums when you do not get your way?
... if you are an underachiever?
... if you create drama when there is none?
... if you create or pass along junk email to the point that it annoys other people?
... if you take food home from restaurants, don't eat it, and then wastefully throw it in the trash?
... if you refuse to leave your neighborhood or city?
... if you have no appreciation for art or music?
... if you make positive suggestions to others that you would never do?
... if you slouch in your chair and appear uninterested in what other people share with you?
... if you spend much of the day text messaging and talking on the telephone, while ignoring others around you?
... if you frequently drive through traffic signals and stop signs?
... if you hate the way your body looks?
... if you are often late?
... if you've been evicted or had one of your utilities turned off because of nonpayment?
... if you smoke?
... if you only eat junk food or fast food?
... if you became secretly involved sexually with your best friend's wife/husband?
... if you are dishonest and claim that you like someone as a friend but you really don't?
... if you use sex to get favors where you work?
... if you never call your family to say you love them?
... if you are never satisfied with anything?
... if you think you are boring?
... if you routinely call in sick for work but you really aren't sick?
... if you never stand up to your boss or supervisor and tell them what you really want to contribute to your job?
... if you neglect or abuse pets and other animals?
... if you can't trust anyone?
... if you can't trust yourself?
... if you have a particular preference (e.g., race, religion, socioeconomic status) in dating someone?
... if you often procrastinate?
... if you rarely listen to people where you work because you believe your way is always the best way to do things?
... if you never talk honestly with anyone about abstinence or safe sex?
... if you routinely call or text message your partner 15-20 times each day?
... if you rarely or never take a vacation?
... if you get scared easily?
... if you watch television while others want to talk with you?
... if you have body odor?
... if you continue to sleep around?
... if you never feel comfortable crying or showing some other emotion?
... if you have a history of breaking up more than twice with the same person and then resuming the relationship?
... if you routinely take coins from the "Give a penny ... take a penny" dish at the store?
... if you aren't smart?
... if you are verbally abusive toward others?
... if have no thoughts about a Higher Power (e.g., God, Yahweh, Allah, etc.)?
... if you flirt with your brother's or sister's wife, husband, or partner?
... if you refuse to change your clothes each day?
... if you are dependent upon others for transportation and need a ride or carpool everywhere you go?
... if you never acknowledge your family heritage?
... if you spend time viewing sexually explicit materials?
... if you are obnoxious or behave like a child in public?
... if you often avoid special family events?
... if you can't have children?
... if you steal things?
... if you often overeat?
... if you never follow directions in putting things together or making things?
... if you are a reckless driver?
... if you often spit when you are outside?
... if you have not financially planned for loved ones if something tragic happens to you?
... if you really don't know who you are or what you want?
... if you never plan for your future?
... if you are broke?
... if you pick food from your teeth with your fingers?
... if you spend more time than you really need to in the bathroom?
... if you talk loudly in your sleep?
... if you are cruel to civil servants (e.g., police, firemen, sanitation workers)?
... if you have difficulty sleeping at night?
... if you are disfigured or have some other physical ailment?
... if you are really shy and can't tell people how you feel about them?
... if you only want to watch repeat shows when you look at television?
... if you don't have any rhythm and can't dance?
... if you dress in tattered or dirty clothes?
... if you have an emotional challenge and have never sought support?
... if you throw away old clothes instead of giving them to the poor and needy?
... if you ignore someone in need and don't do anything to help?
... if you have a history of waiting for other people to do things you would like to do?
... if you are frequently insensitive to the needs of others?
... if you never clean your house?
... if you have a history of splashing water while you urinate, never wiping it off of the toilet, and leaving it for the next person?
... if you promise yourself that you will do something and then you never do it because you are afraid?
... if you are forgetful?
... if you have a history of untimely flatulence (farting)?
... if you hoard junk and other useless things in your garage, office, or closet?
... if you talk loudly at the movies so that others around you cannot hear?
... if your car is cluttered and has things that need to be thrown away?
... if you have bad breath and never chew mints or gum?
... if you have a history of damaging or destroying other people's property?
... if you feel the need to keep the television remote control all to yourself so that you can watch only your favorite programs?
...if you never exercise?
... if you have a gambling problem?
... if you are frequently grouchy in the morning?
... if you have a drug problem?
... if you don't believe in an afterlife?
... if all you talk about is getting married one day?
... if you are frequently late for appointments?
... if you are unemployed?
... if you frequently talk about death and dying?
... if you frequently change your mind about different things?
... if you press the snooze button on your clock more than twice every morning before you wake up?
... if you rarely change your underwear or socks?
... if you routinely allow yourself to run out of gas?
... if you pick your nose and smear the mucous on your clothes, car seat, or furniture?
... if you say you want to quit smoking but can't?
... if you've ever been in jail?
... if your life revolves around the events of a television program each day or each week?
... if you frequently drop food on the floor, apply the "three second rule," or "kiss it to God" and then eat it?
... if you have a history of lying about your income?
... if you only want to stay in the house all day?
... if you are too stubborn to ask for directions and frequently get lost?
... if you have a good-paying job but spend your money irresponsibly and are now in debt?
... if you have a history of using up all the hot water in your house so that others can only temporarily use cold water?
... if you have a history of making excuses for yourself?
... if you ever stole money from a charity or a church?
... if you ever swear in front of children?
... if you often crash parties or weddings that you are not invited to?
... if you frequently sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of others?
... if you complain all the time?
... if you never allow others to help you?
... if you never help anyone get to where you are professionally or socially?
... if you never learned how to swim?
... if have a history of taking things apart and never putting them back together?
... if you have a history of surfing the Internet, downloading erotic material, and allowing your children to use your computer?
... if you never give yourself a chance to succeed?
... if you always have to win at everything you do or play?
... if you are very superficial or catty?
... if you frequently take on more responsibilities than you can handle?
... if you've never forgiven yourself?
... if you never say kind words to your next-door neighbor?
... if you have a history of littering?
... if you routinely leave a pile of dirty dishes in the sink?
... if you routinely take and keep covers from your mate while you're sleeping?
... if you have a history of not washing your hands and then shaking someone else's?
... if you make your children wait for you because of your poor planning?
... if you frequently wear provocative clothing to seduce or entice others?
... if you are racist?
... if you have a history of picking lent or debris from your toenails?
... if you spend too much time cleaning and organizing?
... if you routinely visit adult novelty stores?
... if you are homophobic?
... if you are sexist or hold a different standard for women and men?
... if you pay for sex?
... if when you get hurt, you pick at your scab or infection?
... if you come from a dysfunctional household?
... if you never or rarely read a book?
... if you are cheap or very thrifty in your spending?
... if you never graduated from high school?
... if your friends are criminals?
... if you have a sexually transmitted disease or infection?
... if you are unnecessarily pretentious?
... if you are afraid to travel by airplane?
... if you kiss people while you are feeling sick?
... if you are nosey or intrusive about other people's concerns?
... if you are more sexually experienced than your peers?
... if when you use the restroom, you fail to completely flush the toilet?
... if you are willing to spank, beat, and chastise your children in public?
... if you are insensitive to physically or mentally challenged people?
... if you cut your fingernails or toenails and leave them on the floor or on the table for others to see?
... if you typically avoid family crises?
... if you often leave doors unlocked and appear unconcerned about safety?
... if you work more than 50 hours a week?
... if you have never been in love or do not know what love looks like or how it feels?
... if you are a virgin?
... if you spend all of your budgeted money for bills on "scratch offs" or lottery tickets?
... if you are overly jealous or possessive?
... if you think you are the greatest person to have ever walked the earth?
... if you often tell cruel jokes that embarrass others?
... if you are never honest with yourself about why no one will marry you?
... if you want someone to always save you or rescue you ... from yourself?
Chapter Two
Yes, I would marry myself. On the other hand, maybe I wouldn't. Asking someone if they would marry themselves is not a question that most people would ask. To some extent, you may have learned from your parents and society that to be truly happy, you need to form a relationship with someone who can make you whole or "complete." Being in a relationship with someone can allow you to grow as a person and be able to share the changes you experience with that special someone. Spending time together with your significant other may allow you to develop emotionally in that as time passes, the feelings you have for that person continue to grow deeper and stronger. Sharing a deep connection with someone may give you the space to share some of the more intimate details of your life and be able to learn and grow with the person as he or she shares with you. Being with another person invites you to develop a greater spiritual connection in that you begin to discover and reflect upon the peaceful and serene times in your life. But then, is it possible that if you REALLY want to be with yourself that the emotional, sexual, and spiritual portions of yourself could be embraced in the same fashion that you are expected to embrace in another individual? Can you really be happy with your true emotional self and celebrate the times when you are happy, sad, frustrated, silly, anxious, or joyful? Can you really be happy with your true intimate self if you treat your body and your mind respectfully and are willing to form deeper connections with yourself? Can you really be happy with your true spiritual self and be willing to sit quietly and think about who you are as a peaceful being in harmony with the universe and reflect upon what makes you content?
When questioning my clients and students, I have learned that people would or would not marry themselves for many different reasons, some of which are shown on the following pages.
"I would not marry myself. I feel that I would get annoyed with myself quickly and want a divorce."
"I would marry myself because I see myself as a great guy."
"I would marry myself because I am someone who is interested in the world around me, and I am a reliable and committed partner."
"Yes, I am talented with a good head on my shoulders and concrete plans for the future."
"I would not marry myself because I am still trying to find myself."
"My first instinct was 'of course I would!' But would I want to marry someone who doesn't trust people? Someone who gets stressed easily? Someone whose hair sheds everywhere?!"
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Would you MARRY YOU?by James C. Wadley Copyright © 2009 by James C. Wadley, Ph.D.. Excerpted by permission.
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