Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts

The media goes wild when politicians and celebrities being caught “cheating” on their spouses are exposed in public. Most of these types of stories focus on the person doing the “cheating”, not the partner who is left behind. After the media spotlight cools down, what happens to these partners? How do they make the decision to stay or go? Is there really any hope for the future of the relationship? How do they survive the shame and move forward? Mending A Shattered Heart provides real hope, promise and inspiration to readers who are struggling.

Anyone who has discovered their loved one, the one person that they are supposed to trust completely, has been cheating on them will want to read this book. Readers have an opportunity to explore whether the person they are in a relationship with is simply behaving badly or truly suffers from a disease called sex addiction. Knowing the difference and knowing what to do about it can be transformational.

Author and editor, Stefanie Carnes brings together several leading experts in the field of sex addiction and family therapy to guide the reader through an assortment of difficult questions, including, Should I stay or should I go?, How Do I Set Boundaries and Keep Myself Safe?, What Does It Mean if My Partner Has Shown an Interest in Minors? and "What should I tell the kids?" Each of these topics are tackled in individual chapters producing a comprehensive guide that offers readers expertise on how to begin the painful road of mending a shattered heart.

What is unique about Mending A Shattered Heart is that it offers such inspiration and promise for the partner of a sex addict. It shows the seriousness of sex addiction and offers hope by showing that treatment can be successful, but hard work needs to be done—by both the partner and the addict. Without partners really examining their relationship with the sex addict, they can find themselves in a spiral of devastating relationships, essentially leaving the relationship and then falling in love with the same type of person over and over again with the same disastrous results. Mending A Shattered Heart shows the reader that they do have options. Even if the partner makes the decision to leave the relationship, there are things they can do to help them in their own recovery and make sure this never happens again. If they choose to stay in the relationship, they can work toward repairing the damaged relationship along with their own recovery.

All the material in Mending A Shattered Heart is provided in a question and answer format that delves into essential information including therapeutic and practical information that the partner can use right away. This second edition of the book includes a new focus on the impact of the trauma when a partner discovers his or her partner is cheating and what to do about it.

Stefanie Carnes, Ph.D., has led numerous research projects on addiction and authored many publications including her nationally renowned books, Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts, Facing Addiction and Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts.

Dr. Carnes is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, an AAMFT clinical member and approved supervisor. She is also certified through IITAP (International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals) as a sex addiction therapist and supervisor.

Chapter authors include:
Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., C.A.S., CSAT, is a nationally known speaker on addiction and recovery issues. He is the author of numerous books, including Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (1992), Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict (1989), The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships (1997), Facing the Shadow (2001), In the Shadows of the Net (2001), The Clinical Management of Sex Addiction (2002), Facing Addiction (2011), and The Recovery Start Kit (2007).
Dr. Carnes is currently the Executive Director of the Gentle Path program at Pine Grove Behavioral Center in Hattiesburg, Miss. He is the primary architect of Gentle Path treatment programs for the treatment of sexual and addictive disorders. He also pioneered the founding of the Certified Sex Addiction Therapist program and the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals.

Paul Hartman, MS, LMFT, CSAT, began a second career in counseling after graduating from Fuller Theological Seminary where he attended both the School of Theology and School of Psychology. Upon earning his license in marriage and family therapy, Mr. Hartman and his wife, Virginia, went into private practice together, opening The Healing Center. The couple specialized in treating addiction, co-addiction, couples and families. Mr. Hartman trained with Dr. Patrick Carnes to become a certified sex addiction therapist and follows Carnes' model of a program practice. He retired from his Michigan practice in 2005 but continues to work with Carnes and the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP).

Virginia Hartman, MA, LPC, CSAT, began her professional career as an elementary school teacher before earning a MA in counseling psychology from Western Michigan University and becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor. After becoming certified as a substance abuse interventionist by the Johnson Institute, she gained experience in intervention, after-care, family treatment and primary treatment. She worked with several leaders in the field of addiction, then went into private practice with her husband Paul in Michigan. She trained with Dr. Patrick Carnes, using the task-based approach to treat trauma. She became a certified sex addiction therapist, specializing in treating sexually anorexic women. Although now retired, Ms. Hartman continues to teach, consult and supervise CSATs, and also holds workshops for women and couples.

For more than 20 years, Mavis Humes Baird, CSAT, has developed several intervention and treatment programs in various modalities for addicts, family members and whole families. She consults with providers for their own program development. She is a CSAT Supervisor and an original member of Dr. Patrick Carnes' Practice Improvement Program. She worked in central and eastern Pennsylvania first as a drug and alcohol therapist, educator and interventionist, and then as a codependency and trauma therapist, treating eating disorders, sexual abuse and family systems issues. She also developed an effective treatment model for multiply-diagnosed clients. She has been working with sex addicts and co-addicts since 1988. With the help of a national rights organization, she is launching a legislative initiative to help educate society and aid sex addicts who want to find help.

Since 1985, Joe Kort, MA, MSW, CSAT, has specialized in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy, Marital Affairs, Mixed-Orientation Marriages, Sexual Addiction, Sexual Abuse and Imago Relationship Therapy through weekend workshops for singles and couples. He provides trainings to straight clinicians about Gay Affirmative Therapy around the country. Mr. Kort is the author of two books on gay-male identity and relationships as well as journal articles on sexual addiction. His newest book is Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide. An adjunct professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne State University's School of Social Work. He is the author of 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives.

Barbara S. Levinson, Ph.D, CSAT, is the Director of the Center for Healthy Sexuality in Houston. She offers specialized programs for the treatment of sex addicts and sex offenders and their partners. She also specializes in the treatment of Internet addictions. Dr. Levinson provides individual and couples therapy for persons who have intimacy and relationship problems. As a Certified Sex Therapist Diplomat for the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, she deals with sexual issues of individuals and couples. At the Center for Healthy Sexuality, Dr. Levinson provides group therapy in many specialty areas. She is also a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, a Licensed Sex Offender Treatment Provider and a Therapist Supervisor for the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals Certified Sex Addiction Therapists.

Omar Minwalla, Ph.D., CSAT is a Licensed Psychologist and Clinical Sexologist, and the Clinical Director of the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles. Dr. Minwalla earned his doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Illinois School of Professional Psychology in Chicago and completed his post-doctoral fellowship at the University of Minnesota Medical School's Program in Human Sexuality. His specializations include sexual compulsivity/sex addiction, sexual offending, sexual dysfunction, transgender populations, sexual orientation, BDSM and paraphilias. He also has a private practice specializing in marginalized sexuality and gender concerns.

Sonja Rudie, MA, LMHC, C-EMDR, C-EAGALA I, CSAT, specializes in the treatment of trauma healing and recovery. Ms. Rudie is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified EMDR clinician, Certified Equine Assisted Therapist and a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. She provides innovative and interesting treatment options for clients suffering from trauma in addition to the standard primary treatment protocol of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Ms. Rudie has provided therapy groups in resiliency skill-building, self-esteem, reality testing and creating mastery. She is the president and founder of La Perla Counseling and Trauma Response Services, Inc., which provides counseling for individuals, couples, families, youth and groups.

Jennifer Schneider, M.D., Ph.D. is a physician in Tucson, Ariz., specializing in addiction medicine and pain management. For 20 years she has been a researcher, speaker and author in the field of sex addiction, with a particular interest in the effects of sex addiction on the family. Dr. Schneider is the author of Back From Betrayal: Recovering From his Affairs) (3rd Edition, 2005), Sex, Lies, and Forgiveness: Couples Speak on Healing From Sex Addiction (3rd Edition, 2004); The Wounded Healer: Addiction-sensitive Approach to the Sexually Exploitative Professional) (with Dr. Richard Irons, 1998); Disclosing Secrets: What, to Whom, and How Much to Reveal) (with Dr. Deborah Corley, 2002); and Untangling the Web: Breaking Free from Sex, Porn, and Fantasy Addiction in the Internet Age) (with Robert Weiss, 2006). Her newest book is slated for publication in fall 2013 Closer Together, Further Apart (with Robert Weiss).

Caroline Smith, MA, LPC, CSAT-S, CMAT, is the director of family services and intensive workshiops at Pine Grove Behavioral Health in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Her specialties are trauma, disordered attachment, sex addiction and eating disorders. Ms. Smith is an international trainer for interventionists who work with clients with chemical and process addictions. She frequently lectures on topics including trauma resolution, addiction interaction, food and sex, attachment style dynamics, and family systems legacy. She is a passionate force in support of healing, hope and sustainable recovery.

Cara W. Tripodi, LCSW, MSS, CSAT, is the Executive Director and owner of S.T.A.R.-Sexual Trauma & Recovery, Inc., an outpatient practice in Wynnewood, Penn., devoted to the identification and treatment of sexual addiction, sexual anorexia and sexual codependency. She graduated from Bryn Mawr College in 1991 where she received her Master’s in Social Science Degree. She has been treating sex addicts and their partners in both individual and group settings since 1991. She is a member of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health and is a certified sex addiction therapist. She is also a Level II trained EMDR therapist. Her previous experiences include service as a medical social worker where she developed an expertise in the area of traumatic and chronic illness and loss. Today, Ms. Tripoldi maintains a private practice as well as educating the behavioral healthcare community through workshops and lectures.

Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S is Senior Vice President of Clinical Development with Elements Behavioral Health. He has developed clinical programs for The Ranch in Nunnelly, Tennessee, Promises Treatment Centers in Malibu, and The Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles.A licensed UCLA MSW graduate and personal trainee of Dr. Patrick Carnes, Mr. Weiss is author of Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men,and co-author with Dr. Jennifer Schneider of both Untangling the Web: Sex, Porn, and Fantasy Obsession in the Internet Age and the upcoming 2013 release, Closer Together, Further Apart: The Effect of Technology and the Internet on Sex, Intimacy and Relationships, along with numerous peer-reviewed articles and chapters. An author and subject expert on the relationship between digital technology and human sexuality, Mr. Weiss has served as a media specialist for CNN, The Oprah Winfrey Network, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and the Today Show, among many others. He has also provided clinical multi-addiction training and behavioral health program development for the US military and treatment centers throughout the United States, Europe, and Asia.