A candid Buddhist guide to thriving in messy, real-world love.

“Honest, quirky, and compassionate―this is dharma for real relationships.”―Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance

Partnership is hard, especially after the honeymoon shine has faded. In this refreshingly honest guide to long-term relationships, married Buddhist teachers devon and nico hase help readers grow together even through conflict and change.

Through heartfelt guidance―complete with practices, exercises, and reflections―readers learn to:

• Face relationship challenges with presence instead of perfectionism
• Develop meditative skills to hold emotions with awareness
• Communicate effectively during inevitable ups and downs
• Get real without losing connection
• Find each other again and again

Devon and nico write, “If you're struggling, you can use that struggle to open your heart and connect with your partner.” Instead of chasing an idealized relationship, “fixing” your partner, or losing yourself, discover how your current committed relationship can become a vehicle for opening your heart, clarifying your mind, and awakening to deeper truths.

This book isn't about everlasting happiness―it’s about building something even better: a partnership where you can be happy in love, thrive in conflict, and have honest fun together, all while embracing the beautiful mess that makes your connection uniquely yours.

About the Authors

nico hase lived in a monastery for six years before earning a PhD in counseling psychology and becoming an Insight Meditation teacher. He helps people bring Buddhist wisdom to life's challenges, including the beautiful complexity of partnership. Together, they are the authors of How Not to Be a Hot Mess.

devon hase teaches at Insight Meditation Society and Spirit Rock Meditation Center. She integrates deep Buddhist practice with everyday experience to help students cultivate authentic connection in all relationships.

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