The Natural Process of Quitting Forever was written over a period of years. It started when I was seeing people who wanted to avoid 12 Step attendances while still wanting to end alcohol and drug problems. The book we were using generated questions and was not specific about quitting forever. I was tape recording and video taping the sessions for my review. I noticed I was answering the same questions over again with different people. I wrote down what I was telling them and started using the essays when I talked with new people. I always encouraged people to criticize what was written for clarity and content. At a point in time, I had enough written where I comb bound the papers with a table of contents and started selling my book. I kept editing and revising and adding to the book until it reached the point of what you are reading today. Author House afforded me the opportunity to publish professionally what I had been publishing and selling using my desktop publishing program with comb binding. It was written talking to people about quitting forever all alcohol and drug use while they read the book for that purpose. People are quitting forever by reading the book The Natural Process of Quitting Forever. It was not something I sat down and wrote but was written because people quitting forever told me it was helpful information leading them along their path to recovery. Check out my web site: quittingforever.org where I explain core concepts using cartoon like graphic illustration with verbal and written explanation. The web site also has some short video explanations by me.
The Natural Process of Quitting Forever
Explicit InstructionBy William WeberAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2009 William Weber, M.A.
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4343-9776-8Contents
Introduction.....................................................................................................................1History of Quitting Forever......................................................................................................5Consider The Dominant Advise.....................................................................................................7One Day at a TimeParalyzed: Possible Response to Abstinent ForeverReturn to critical analysis of the remaining sentences:Match Your Goals to Your Emotional StrengthHow Will You Be Paralyzed?Distraction is SecondaryIs Quitting Forever too Easy or too Hard?Informed Consent: Reasons Why You May Not Want to Read Quitting Forever..........................................................12Myth in Recovery.................................................................................................................14Principles of Quitting Forever...................................................................................................15Values Expressed in Quitting ForeverDo You Want to Quit Using Alcohol and Drugs Forever?Should You Go to Twelve-Step Groups Like AA and NA?..............................................................................19What is Twelve-Step Recovery and Relapse Prevention Like?........................................................................21Relapse PreventionPeople Underestimate Their Want to Drink Alcohol and Use Drugs...................................................................24What Happened to You?............................................................................................................27Self-Analysis SurveyYou Can't Convince Yourself to Quit ForeverAmbivalence About Quitting Forever...............................................................................................32When Making up Your Mind Weigh Both SidesPeople just look for reasons to not drink.The Real Reason You Want to Use Alcohol and/or DrugsListen to Your Mind Plead and Bargain for Alcohol and/or DrugsHold onto Your Decision to Never Drink or Drug AgainDo you feel any doubt about carrying out your decision?Your Mind is Not Made Up, and You Feel Like a Drink/DrugExerciseQuitting Forever: The Basics.....................................................................................................38Question the Brain-Disease Concept...............................................................................................40Infectious-Disease ConceptCompulsive-Obsession Disease ConceptBiological-Disease ConceptA Disease or a Natural Aftereffect of Drinking or Using DrugsYou have been reinforced for using alcohol or a drug.There is a Way OutThe Brain-Recovery Model: Who Controls Your Hands?...............................................................................46Bring It Back to Drinking Alcohol and Using DrugsWhy You Can Keep Yourself from Drinking and DrugsSolve problems so your life will be better. Do not solve problems to keep yourself from drinking or drugging.....................52The Test.........................................................................................................................52Thoughts to Use Will Continue After Quitting ForeverLearn a Set of Skills Where You Will Be Successful All the TimeWhat is the difference between a choice and a decision?..........................................................................57Decide, and You Know What You are Doing Before Choosing.Quitting Forever: There are four areas of readiness to change:...................................................................62Summary and ReviewThe Model of Quitting Forever....................................................................................................66Think About Quitting Forever Alcohol and Drug UseIntend on Quitting ForeverAction DecisionOne Day at a TimeNever Say NeverCounting TimeDisease Concept of AddictionYou Believe You Cannot Quit ForeverYou Believe You Are an Alcoholic or an AddictSolve Problems First or Quit Forever to Solve ProblemsPutting Off Quitting Forever: ProcrastinationMaintaining AbstinenceQuitting Forever: Permanent ExitDeliberating and Changing Your MindHow to Keep Yourself from Drinking or Drugging...................................................................................88Explicit Instruction: Making Your DecisionSomeone After Quitting Forever Drank and Used AgainLife Goes On.....................................................................................................................93Court Ruling Finding AA/NA Twelve-Step to be Religious Activity..................................................................97
Chapter One
History of Quitting Forever
I talked to people about quitting forever before I was licensed as an alcohol and drug abuse counselor twelve years ago. I have always been talking and listening to people who continued permanent exit from further alcohol and drug use after quitting forever on their own.
I studied the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and could never buy into it. They seemed unbelievable to me. The groups seemed counterproductive. The one-day-at-a-time approach seemed like a promise to be able to drink or drug again, which was little more than one-delay-at-a-time. I learned relapse prevention and counseled people on using it. People who were not drinking or drugging told me that was not the way they were doing it. Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy was showing ways to abstain without attending twelve-step groups and was among the first to point out that the twelve steps were religious activity.
Rational Recovery was an off shoot from Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. I became involved in Rational Recovery due to my training at the Institute on Rational Emotive Therapy (RET), now called the Albert Ellis Institute. For about seven years, I provided free Rational Recovery groups in the community, talking to people about their problems with being forced to attend twelve-step groups. People would stop using alcohol and drugs. I pointed out the fact anyone could keep themselves from drinking or using drugs. The question was how long they want to carry it out.
I received an opportunity to be paid to talk to people about Rational Recovery. I started offering groups in my private practice. One of the problems I kept having in both the free and paid sessions was that people came to me not knowing we were talking about lifelong abstinence. They heard incorrectly that Rational Recovery was about controlled drinking. They thought they would be joining a group of people to make friends. People did not always understand I was talking about quitting forever when they came to Rational Recovery.
I had other problems with Rational Recovery. Rational Recovery became as dogmatic as the recovery groups they were criticizing. Rational Recovery became exclusive with the corporate name and buzzwords like AVRT and the Beast. Rational Recovery ended all free recovery groups in the community and actively pursued anyone using the name Rational Recovery threatening legal action if they did not stop. They became critical of counselors and stopped trying to influence recovery in America. Rational Recovery morphed into an Internet website people pay to enter. Rational Recovery is not influenced by discoveries made from research and no longer teaches others how to talk to people about quitting the use of alcohol and drugs. Rational Recovery no longer attempts to defend those forced to attend twelve-step groups in violation of their First Amendment right of freedom of religion.
Quitting Forever has its roots in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy and Rational Recovery, but I was enlightened by talking to people about the process of quitting forever, while being influenced by current research validating quitting forever without the use of twelve-step groups and moving beyond relapse prevention. The sacred cows that oppose the ability of people to make a permanent exit from alcohol and drug abuse are questioned using rational and critical thinking. Logical contradictions of the recovery movement are the focus of Quitting Forever questions and answers. Written with an attempt to use the language without made-up buzzwords from the recovery movement, Quitting Forever reviews reasons why anyone can abstain from alcohol and drugs for the remainder of one's life.
It is now known a decision is the starting point. The skills one uses to decide before quitting forever are different than the skills it takes after quitting forever. How do you move from choice to decision? What do you do after you decide to quit forever?
Research and what to do were there but not put together until Quitting Forever. You have the opportunity to determine where you are in the process of quitting forever. You get to review your motivation to drink and drug and review your motivation to abstain from alcohol and drugs. You have the opportunity to witness yourself going back and forth between wanting it and wanting to avoid it. You can start to see how alcohol and drugs became more important to you as your values changed. Your willingness to think about quitting forever is part of your intent.
There is a difference between forever choosing and making a decision based on your values. You will learn the difference between choosing and making a decision. Quitting Forever developed the model for teaching the difference between choosing and deciding. Knowing how to decide can help you make up your mind about what you want to do.
Quitting Forever is based on a biological model of using alcohol and drugs. The biological model is also the base for the disease concept of alcohol or drug use. But, the disease concept leaves many rational questions unanswered when it explains why you will always be sick. Quitting Forever show a "brain recovery model" that can be verified in any textbook on neuroanatomy. The brain recovery model explains why you can keep yourself from drinking or using drugs. It shows what happened to you is a natural result of consuming alcohol and/or drugs.
Quitting Forever brings forward advances in behavioral therapy you can apply to yourself after quitting forever. Once quitting forever is completed, it is time to stop choosing. There is no reason to avoid the thoughts and feelings to use or to fight them like a beast out to get you. Thoughts and feelings to use are the natural result of drinking and drugging. There is an alternative to avoiding or fighting them. You can gain a new confidence in your ability to abstain in the face of response tendencies to drinking alcohol and using drugs. You can stop being a second-class citizen and start living your life based on your values, solving problems for the solution not to keep yourself from drinking or drugging. You determine how much support you need to abstain and who will give you support. Most people get support from family, friends, church groups, and organizations. Associate with people because you like them not because they used to have an alcohol or drug problem. You will know what to do after quitting forever. What happened to you is a natural result of consuming alcohol and/or drugs.
Chapter Two
Consider The Dominant Advise The Addiction and Recovery Organization in Canada provides advice on their website about relapse prevention. The organization provides techniques for dealing with mental urges to drink alcohol or use drugs. Doing your recovery one day at a time and distracting yourself are two of the relapse-prevention techniques they provide. It is the advice you will likely get if you seek counseling or go for treatment. The following is an examination of those techniques. Benefits and drawbacks of the techniques are examined.
One Day at a Time
The explanation about using one day at a time is one of the best I have read. It is concise, and advice is easy to understand. It is both motivating and convincing. It is identical to advice twelve-step groups, substance abuse counselors, and rehabilitation centers tell clients. The following reference is a direct quote from the www.addictionandrecovry.org site:
Don't think about whether you can stay abstinent forever. That's a paralyzing thought. It's overwhelming even for people who've been in recovery for a long time. One day at a time means you should match your goals to your emotional strength. When you feel strong and you're motivated to not use, then tell yourself that you won't use for the next week or the next month. But when you're struggling and having lots of urges, and those times will happen often, tell yourself that you won't use for today or for the next 30 minutes. Do your recovery in bite-sized chunks and don't sabotage yourself by thinking too far ahead.
Paralyzed: Possible Response to Abstinent Forever
Reread the first two sentences. They tell you that if you even think about quitting forever, you will become paralyzed and overwhelmed. Test what they have said by thinking about never drinking alcohol or using drugs again, and reflecting on your experience. You will see you are not paralyzed or overwhelmed. You will have a response to the thought of never drinking or using drugs again. What happens is you accept the idea or you refuse the idea. Next, I next review the different possible responses to the thought of quitting forever by never drinking or using drugs again.
You endorse the idea as relevant to solving your problem. When some people say in their heads like whispering words to themselves in the form of thinking, "I will never use alcohol or drugs, ever," they say it sounds like a good idea. Some of those who see quitting forever as a good idea are motivated by the quick and powerful solution. The thought fills them with determination and hope.
1. At that point, some people decide, "It is a good idea for me. I quit forever. Now is as good a time as any to start. There will never be a better time than right now." And, they quit forever. They are determined to never use alcohol or drugs again and set on a course to carry out their decision.
2. Some people endorse the idea of quitting forever but think they do not want to quit right now. For some people, the idea of quitting forever becomes a reason why they should continue to drink alcohol or use drugs. They think, "It is too long to go without drinking or drugging if I never do it again. I will do it some more before I quit." Procrastination is when you put off something that could be done now. But, procrastination is not a paralyzed or overwhelmed response. If you were paralyzed or overwhelmed, you would not be able to plan anything. On the contrary, procrastination helps you plan your next drink or drug use.
3. Some people refuse the idea of never drinking or drugging ever. (a) They refuse the idea because they want to drink or drug again. (b) They refuse because they do not think that the act of quitting forever can be carried out. (c) And, they refuse because they do not think quitting forever is the best way to end alcohol or drug use.
3a. Some people do not like the idea of quitting forever, because they actively want to use alcohol or drugs again. Is that because they are addicted? Maybe, but if they detox, they are not under the influence of alcohol or drugs. But, the aftereffects of using of alcohol or drugs affected their brain. They know how good it feels to use alcohol or a drug and want to return to the feeling by drinking or using again. This is the point where the trouble with addiction enters. How is it known the person is addicted and not that they just want to drink or use again as a matter of preference? Addictionologists point to brain studies that show changes in brain chemistry they say account for why the person wants to drink or drug again. But, what they cannot account for is why some people with identical drinking or drugging profiles decide on quitting forever after thinking about never drinking or using drugs again.
3b. Some people refuse the idea of quitting forever, because they do not think it can be carried out. Any human being just can't -at least not someone who is an alcoholic or addict. Those unfortunate people lack education. They do not understand the neurology of how voluntary movement takes place. They could be educated to understand that feeling like using alcohol or drugs is the result of past use and is not the sole cause of future use. Neurology shows the part of the brain affected with the aftereffects of alcohol or drug use and desire is not the part of the brain that controls the arms and hands. Feeling like using does not mean one is an alcoholic. Using the terms alcoholic and addict as self-identifiers or labels is not helpful when explaining why you do something. It is not logical thinking.
3c. The one-day-at-a-time motto is dominant in the drug and alcohol recovery industry. The drug and alcohol recovery network largely ignores people quitting forever, because people quitting forever have done it outside formal alcohol and drug treatment programs. The alcohol and drug recovery network continues to present one day at a time as the only way to recovery when it is but one option. The quitting forever option is never mentioned in treatment. When a person in treatment independently brings up the idea of quitting forever, counselors carry out their training and say, "Don't think about whether you can stay abstinent forever." If a person mentions quitting forever to their twelve-step group, members chant, "One day at a time," and openly criticize. Everyone in the group hears the criticism repeated, and they are influenced to believe one day at a time is the only way to keep from drinking or using drugs.
Return to critical analysis of the remaining sentences:
One day at a time means you should match your goals to your emotional strength. When you feel strong and you're motivated to not use, then tell yourself that you won't use for the next week or the next month. But when you're struggling and having lots of urges, and those times will happen often, tell yourself that you won't use for today or for the next 30 minutes. Do your recovery in bite-sized chunks and don't sabotage yourself by thinking too far ahead.
Match Your Goals to Your Emotional Strength
I agree with the statement that one should match goals to their emotional strength. Imagine what one day at a time does to someone's emotional strength compared to when they think quitting forever is a good idea. The person being told one day at a time is being told they do not have the emotional strength to quit forever. There is no assessment to determine if the person has the emotional strength. Lack of emotional strength is assumed due to the recovery industry's endorsement of one day at a time. A mismatch has taken place between the person quitting forever and the advice-giver: the goal is not matched to the emotional strength as advised. The advice-giver discourages the intention to end alcohol and drug use forever with an idea that it cannot be done. Instead, people who think about quitting forever can be shown how it can be done and, if carried out, guarantees intoxication from alcohol or drugs will never happen again. If you are thinking about quitting forever, the presence of the thought is indication you have the emotional strength.
Think about the uncertainty of not using alcohol or drugs only for a while. When you are struggling and having lots of urges, you think about not using in bite-sized chunks of thirty minutes to a month. The advice seems like a good idea. But, it entails the idea alcohol and drug use should not be ended. Someone thinking about not using for thirty days is comforted by the idea they can use in thirty days. Not using for thirty minutes entails being able to use in thirty minutes. At the end of thirty minutes, you again think of not using for another thirty minutes or, if you are stronger, not using for thirty days. And, not drinking does not have to bother you, because you can always drink in thirty days. And, in thirty days, you can always choose to not drink for another thirty minutes or thirty days. You play an endless trick on yourself. No wonder relapse rates are so high. You know it is just a trick you are playing, and now that you made day thirty, you can go and drink or use drugs again.
One day at a time weakens emotional strength when emotional strength should be sustained with support. You think about quitting forever, and you are told one day at a time. If you believe them, you believe you do not have the strength for quitting forever, though you actually do have it. You will not use the emotional strength you have, and it will be as though you are emotionally weak. When you feel like drinking or using, one-day-at-a-time will create a struggle, because you will be telling yourself, "I will not drink now. I will wait until later." Waiting to drink or use drugs creates a struggle. Judging by relapse statistics, it is a struggle most people frequently lose. It is frustrating to have to wait.
Quitting forever builds emotional strength, because it stops choosing and ends the struggle. When you feel like drinking or using drugs, you know quitting forever has taken place. There is nothing to consider after quitting forever. You feel like drinking or drugging, but you know that is done. You don't have to wait thirty minutes or thirty days to drink or drug again because of quitting forever. You know the feeling to drink or drug was caused by past drinking or drugging in the past, and it is not your intent to drink or use drugs again. Your hands and arms won't move to pick up alcohol or drugs unless you make them do that. You quit forever. There is no reason to pick up alcohol or drugs. The feeling will go away if you don't drink for a while or if you never drink again. You are not waiting, and you feel less frustrated than one day at a time.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from The Natural Process of Quitting Foreverby William Weber Copyright © 2009 by William Weber, M.A.. Excerpted by permission.
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