Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion

I was presenting Nonviolent Communication in a mosque at a refugee camp in Bethlehem to about 170 Palestinians when a man leapt to his feet and hollered at the top of his lungs, Murderer! Immediately a dozen other voices joined him: Assassin! Child-killer! Murderer!

I knew the refugees harbored anger toward the U.S. for supplying weapons to Israel.

I addressed the man who had called me a murderer:

I: Are you angry because you would like my government to use its resources differently? (I didnt know whether my guess was correct, but what is critical is my sincere effort to connect with his feeling and need.)

He: Damn right Im angry! You think we need tear gas? We need sewers, not your tear gas! We need housing! We need to have our own country!

Our dialogue continued for nearly twenty minutes and I listened for the feeling and need behind each statement. I didn't agree or disagree. I received his words, as gifts from a fellow human willing to share his soul with me.

Once he felt understood, he was able to hear my purpose for being at the camp. An hour later, the same man who had called me a murderer invited me home for a Ramadan dinner.