Notes from an Utterly Lame Vampire: Because the Undead Have Feelings Too!

Nigel Mullet isn't your typical teenager . . . he's a vampire. But unfortunately, when Nigel transformed he didn't become all broody and interesting, and as for super strength and speed . . . well, forget it! Instead he's got acne, a voice that squeaks, a tendency to break out in a rash (not sparkles!) when exposed to the sun, and absolutely no idea how to talk to girls.

When a beautiful new girl moves into the neighborhood, Nigel is determined to win her heart but first he's got to figure out how. In the meantime, he writes about her in his diary and composes really bad love poetry that he will recite to her one day, if he can work up the courage to tell her the truth. Can Nigel win the girl and the respect of his family--or is he destined to be a totally lame vampire forever?

Tim Collins is originally from Manchester, but now lives near Oxford. He is the author of more than thirty books including Notes from a Totally Lame Vampire, Prince of Dorkness, Fangs a Lot, and the Sherlock Bones series. His books have been translated into more than thirty languages and he has won awards in the UK and Germany, including the Manchester Fiction Prize and the Lincolnshire Young People’s Book Award.