This book is about shit. Not the shit you have in your closet or those lying around the house or the shit in your car, but it is about shit. The stuff that comes out of your body when you have to go to the bathroom. Not the stuff that comes out the front side, but the stuff that comes out of your butt. It doesn't matter how poor you are, how rich you are, how ugly you are, or how beautiful you are. It doesn't matter if you are skinny or overweight. And no matter what you may think, your shit does stink sometimes. This book is for all of you who have ever admired your dirty deed. For those of you whose brother made you run to the bathroom because you thought someone had died, only to see the longest turd ever in the stool.

Excerpt. � Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

The Number Two Book

The Poop Book Sequel

By Thomas N. Bainter

Trafford Publishing

CHAPTER 1

The Ghost Shit:

After you are done you look in the stool and there is nothing there.

The Stephen King Shit:

It scares the shit out of you.

The Exorcist Shit:

You feel like a Catholic Priest just got a demon out of you.

The Ghost Shit Number 2:

After you are done you wipe and there is nothing there.

The David Letterman Shit:

While you are sitting there you think of the top ten reasons why you don't want to eat Mexican food again.

The Carbon Copy Shit:

It looks just like shits you have had before.

The Newborn Baby Shit:

It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside after it comes out.

The Constipation Shit:

It comes out in little bricks so hard that you are afraid your contractor friend is going to want to use the bricks to build a house.

The Vampire Shit:

After you are done you feel like all the blood in your body has been drained and you look for the bite marks on your ass.

The Mohammad Ali Shit:

It floats like a butterfly but stings like a bee.

The 2012 Shit:

You hope the ancient Mayans were right so you never have to do something like that again.

The Mr. Clean Shit:

After you are done you realize the only way to get your backside clean is to take a shower.

The Eiffel Tower Shit:

It is so tall, straight, and pretty that it rivals the Eiffel Tower in beauty.

The Annulment Shit:

The whole time you have been dating your fianc� you did everything in your power not to take a crap anywhere around her and then on your honeymoon you finally let loose and she asks the judge for an annulment that very day.

The Poinsettia Shit:

It is so green and pretty you know if you leave it in the toilet until Christmas it will turn red.

The Pregnant Shit:

When you are done you feel like you just dropped a nine-pound bouncing baby boy.

The Fast Food Restaurant Shit:

You no longer go through the drive through because after you eat it you know you can't make it home before you have to go.

The Washington D.C. Shit:

After you are done and look in the toilet you realize it could probably be elected to Congress.

The French Shit:

Where it seems like it is coming out but it keeps retreating.

The Chinese Shit:

You are not sure if it is something you just ate or something that they like to eat.

The FBI Shit:

While you are on the pot you expect at any moment the Feds will be coming through your door to see what you are plotting.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from The Number Two Book by Thomas N. Bainter. Copyright � 2015 Thomas N. Bainter. Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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