The Ghost Shit:

After you are done you look in the stool and there is nothing there.

The Stephen King Shit:

It scares the shit out of you.

The Exorcist Shit:

You feel like a Catholic Priest just got a demon out of you.

The Ghost Shit Number 2:

After you are done you wipe and there is nothing there.

The David Letterman Shit:

While you are sitting there you think of the top ten reasons why you don't want to eat Mexican food again.

The Carbon Copy Shit:

It looks just like shits you have had before.

The Newborn Baby Shit:

It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside after it comes out.

The Constipation Shit:

It comes out in little bricks so hard that you are afraid your contractor friend is going to want to use the bricks to build a house.

The Vampire Shit:

After you are done you feel like all the blood in your body has been drained and you look for the bite marks on your ass.

The Mohammad Ali Shit:

It floats like a butterfly but stings like a bee.

The 2012 Shit:

You hope the ancient Mayans were right so you never have to do something like that again.

The Mr. Clean Shit:

After you are done you realize the only way to get your backside clean is to take a shower.

The Eiffel Tower Shit:

It is so tall, straight, and pretty that it rivals the Eiffel Tower in beauty.

The Annulment Shit:

The whole time you have been dating your fiancé you did everything in your power not to take a crap anywhere around her and then on your honeymoon you finally let loose and she asks the judge for an annulment that very day.

The Poinsettia Shit:

It is so green and pretty you know if you leave it in the toilet until Christmas it will turn red.

The Pregnant Shit:

When you are done you feel like you just dropped a nine-pound bouncing baby boy.

The Fast Food Restaurant Shit:

You no longer go through the drive through because after you eat it you know you can't make it home before you have to go.

The Washington D.C. Shit:

After you are done and look in the toilet you realize it could probably be elected to Congress.

The French Shit:

Where it seems like it is coming out but it keeps retreating.

The Chinese Shit:

You are not sure if it is something you just ate or something that they like to eat.

The FBI Shit:

While you are on the pot you expect at any moment the Feds will be coming through your door to see what you are plotting.