Overcoming Regret: Lessons from the Roads Not Taken

A guide to overcoming regret shows readers how to convert the negative energy of regret into a positive force for making peace with the past, presenting illuminating case histories and helpful techniques.

Regret, assert the authors, is an increasingly familiar emotion in this age of many choices. One cannot really "have it all," they state, and choosing certain goals automatically closes the door on others, often forever. The book shows that in making life decisions, we do not benefit from hindsight--a particular problem during early adulthood, when the nature of our choices may set the pattern of our lives. Klein, who teaches writing at the New School in Manhattan, and Gotti, an associate professor at the State University of New York, examine regret as it occurs from childhood to old age. They provide a chapter on the relationship of regret to fame, power and wealth; they explore the psychology of regret, including defense mechanisms people use to diminish this unpleasant emotion; and they suggest ways to cope with regret. A practical, sensitive guide to an often overlooked problem in modern life.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Sketchy yet satisfying examination of the nature of regret and of how to use regret as a positive force in one's life. Klein (Writing/New School for Social Research; Gramercy Park, 1987, etc.) knows the right formula for constructing pop- psychology books: Put in lots of anecdotes, quotable quotes, and literary allusions, mention some research, keep the tone upbeat, use lots of italics to call the reader's attention to the significant passages, and include a self-test or two. The recipe works well here. According to Klein and psychologist Gotti, the experience of regret--the feeling that a road not taken might have been the better path--is virtually unavoidable given the myriad choices of modern life, for the more options there are, the more choices must be given up. Interestingly, the authors find, risks not taken appear to be a greater source of regret than mistakes or wrong turns. Klein and Gotti look at regret as experienced in childhood, early adulthood, middle age, and late adulthood, and conclude by exploring psychological defenses against the pain of regret, offering a number of coping strategies--including developing altruism and a sense of humor, gathering information and advice, reframing a situation to view it from a different perspective, surrendering the need to be right, and learning to seize the moment. Guidelines are offered for deciding when to seek professional help, but the take-home message is that regret is normal at any age and--when dealt with properly--it can be a constructive force in shaping a meaningful life. Easy to read, basically comforting, and occasionally enlightening. -- Copyright ©1992, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.