Not the Parables of Jesus: Revised Satirical Version

Restore the wonder of the parables, the joy of the Gospel... and the discomfort of the Sword of Truth stabbed firmly in your gut.

Not the Parables of Jesus contains more than 40* different takes on the original parables to snap us out of our over-familiarity and to open our eyes to the truth of the Gospel.

Half tongue-in-cheek, half right between the eyes

Often fun, sometimes poignant, and occasionally painful; these parables reveal our cultural biases, hidden assumptions, and the lies we believe.

If I were alive today, I would be happy to condemn these parables as heretical.
Martin Luther†

‘Awesome. Excellent. Recommended’ are some adjectives I found in the thesaurus. However I wouldn’t use any of them to describe this book.
Dick Shunnary

This is fake good news!
Donald Trump†

When I read ‘Not the Bible’ I feel the pleasure of God.†
Eric Liddle’s sixth cousin twice removed

Not the Bible. It’s like the Bible. Only not.
_{* Bet you think that means there are only 41 parables? Well there are actually 42. So there!
† Everything’s true about these statements except the quotes.}

John was born at a very young age with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. At first, it appeared that no lasting damage had been done, but as he grew it became clear that his sense of humour had been damaged irreparably.

Not even Bible College, counselling, and prayer ministry has been able to rectify things, so John eagerly awaits the new creation where his humour will be perfected.

John also trained as a teacher at Oxford University, but despite this he still refers to himself in the third person. Whilst there, he performed stand-up comedy as part of the Oxford Revue but got tired and has been sitting down at his desk to perform his humour ever since.

So now, when he's not wrestling with work-life balance or literally wrestling with his four children, he's wrestling with writing funny words on a page in his cramped study.

John lives with his family near Oxford, England where daily he wonders how his wife still finds the same jokes funny after more than 20 years of marriage.