Perception of a Man wearing a HAT: Lie in Wait

Flashes in thought, back to when things made sense. An importance of being within the world and doing the part, his part in the whole. Easier to think back and remember the good things, but the bad taints those thoughts and drive the emotions of remorse into regret. Adds to the weight, which is already carried and reminds him of the scars which are still open. Refuse to heal
Its easier to sit back and think, this and that should have been done. Or could have done it this way or that way. But its wasn’t done that way, young and gratification was needed. Never would I have turned out this way, if he would have paid me. The voice speaks up “Quit carrying what is not yours to carry.” You have no idea, said in response. All those years of keeping everything, deep within himself. It came out, a rush of emotions followed by anger. He deserved everything that happened to him. The only regret was not being able to see his end.
A few nights in the county jail, to calm down and within the following week. Bail was posted, for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. As the court papers stated. Received my bag of items at the clerks’ desk and walked out the double glass doors, to see a man standing in anticipation to speak with me. Broken on the inside from the events of the past few months, a quick glance around with my eyes. Unable to see my soon to be wife. Take in a breath of fresh air, hold it for a second or two. Close the emotions and pause my stride to hear what the gent had to say.
The years that follow went by quick. Tested in life with my wife and our children to become someone that could be counted on. To provide and be there when needed, the thoughts of not being able to return haunted me. Over the months the voices multiplied in my head, and the repercussions of listening played an essential part in developing my character. At first thinking they, the voices, were evil and good only made things worse. Who do you listen to? What are you doing? And do you Understand. The last was only said to ensure the scar was left open, to drain the tainted feelings on to the ground.
The handler, nicknamed Warbucks a friend from a distance, became the only medium in this life. And it came from a package or phone call, the next trip or project which needed to be done. Started from the initial payment of freedom. A cause of standing up and saying no more. My family and I deserve better, it was up to me to make things right. Who would have known, that justifying one’s actions would do the things it does with your mind. Who would have known, friend or foe. Your heart becomes hard, and life becomes a balance of whom you are and what you are.