The Power and Grace Between Nasty or Nice: Replacing Entitlement, Narcissism, and Incivility With Knowledge, Caring, and Genuine Self-Esteem

Whether interacting in political arenas or playgrounds, corporations or classrooms, boardrooms or bedrooms, we as a nation have fueled an epidemic of bad behavior. From political correctness agendas to the faux self-esteem movement, from absent parents to helicopter parents, many adults developed extremely unhealthy ways of approaching the natural conflicts in our daily lives. With a distorted worldview that's black-and-white, all or nothing, too many people react in extremes--they either blow up or rage (the nasty bully) or let others walk all over them (the nice pushover).

In this illuminating book, the Friels explain that power without graciousness results in bullying and nastiness. Graciousness without power results in being a doormat. However, power tempered with graciousness elevates us beyond our purely animalistic selves—it produces competence, gratitude, humility, and effectiveness, attributes that are sorely lacking in today's world where entitlement, narcissism, and incivility reign supreme. By learning how to find and balance this power zone between victim and perpetrator, anyone can stop dysfunctional patterns of behavior and ignite positive change. In fact, the Friels show how even one very small change held firmly for six to twelve months can cause more system-wide change than anything else you can do. Over the past twenty-seven years, their Clearlife® Clinic Program has helped more than 6,000 people identify and change ingrained patterns of behavior, beliefs, and feelings.

With case studies, pop-culture examples, and cutting-edge neuroscience, the Friels offer a captivating look at incivility, with a much-needed prescriptive plan to heal. This buzz-worthy book will surely have people wondering, In a nation that's too nasty and too nice, in which camp do I belong, and what am I going to do about it?

John C. Friel, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized author and speaker as well as a skilled clinician. He is a psychologist in private practice St. Paul, Minnesota, and Reno, Nevada, who has sold over 500,000 books co-authored with his wife, Linda, and is the national director of the ClearLife® Clinic Program. Since 1980, John has consulted, trained, conducted seminars, and presented engaging keynote addresses for business and industry, hospitals, mental health clinics, government agencies, lawyers, doctors, and many more.

Linda D. Olund Friel, M.A., is known throughout the U.S., Canada, England, and Ireland for her therapeutic and training expertise in the areas of family systems, survivors of unhealthy childhoods, depression, anxiety, addictions and personality disorders. She is cofounder and national director of the ClearLife® Clinic, which is a special three-and-a-half-day therapy program to help people move beyond the painful patterns of childhood shortages.