So, What's Your Proposal?: Shifting High-Conflict People from Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds!

Complain! Complain! Complain! Have you ever dealt with high-conflict people who blame you or others for one problem after another without taking any responsibility themselves? Don’t you feel like wringing their necks?

Instead, consider the simple method taught in this book for getting them out of the past and away from blaming everyone else. Get them to quickly focus on the future, take responsibility and contribute to finding solutions to problems – including those they created themselves or any problem.

When people complain and blame you, you don’t need to defend yourself or get angry back. Just calmly say: “So, what’s your proposal?” and focus on teaching the simple 3-step method explained in this book. This method will help you stay calm and confident, while earning the respect of those around you – even those who want to blame you!

And blame is abundant these days! Every day dozens, if not hundreds, of people confront us at work, at the store, in our communities and online. Nerves get on edge. More and more people get stuck blaming others for anything that goes wrong. With high-conflict people increasing in society, with the 24-hour news cycle, and with Twitter, Facebook and the Internet, we hear constantly about the worst behavior of other people and dozens of terrible problems. The strong temptation is to react and blame others back. However, this just feeds the problem.

This book shifts the conversation from the past and blame, to the future and problem-solving. The book teaches a simple method which can be used by almost anyone. It will help the reader stay calm and confident, while also keeping the focus on solving problems, rather than blaming people.

But it takes practice, which is why this book gives so many examples. The reader will earn the respect of those around him or her. We have seen it happen over and over again – many times in just 30 seconds.

Another helpful tool to communicate effectively with high-conflict people is BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Hostile Email, Personal Attacks and Social Media Meltdowns, also by Bill Eddy.

Bill Eddy is the author of several books about dealing with high-conflict people - the most difficult "difficult" people. Bill is a lawyer, therapist, mediator and the President of the High Conflict Institute. He developed the "High Conflict Personality" theory and has become an expert on managing legal, workplace and other disputes involving high-conflict personalities and personality disorders.

His books include:
It's All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People
So What's Your Proposal? Shifting High-Conflict People from Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds
High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
It’s All YOUR Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything
BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns
SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder

He is also the developer of the “New Ways for Work” method of managing potentially high conflict employees in the workplace; and the "New Ways for Families" method of managing potentially high-conflict parents in and out of family court.

A graduate of Case Western Reserve University, San Diego State University, and the University of San Diego School of Law, he lives in San Diego, CA with his wife.