Queen, Get Your MoJo Back!: Conquering Loss of Identity in Motherhood

Self-identity is a vital conversation to be had in our society today. I’ve had a series of such conversations with myself about it, especially since becoming a mother. I’ve also had similar conversations with other women in my position. I’ve discovered we have a lot in common. We are professionals and mothers. We all felt like we had lost our sense of self-identity at some point when becoming mothers. The dual nature of the role created a sense of imbalance in our lives. We had to face pressures from our professions as well as the ones in our homes.

During one encounter, I was asked by someone: “how will you define your identity?” It took me by surprise to be honest but after sometimes, I came up with an answer. I basically said that I am a medley of identities. I am a wife, a mother, a woman of colour, a professional, an academic and a woman of faith. As such I feel like I have several facets to my self-identity. It is almost like wearing a veil, which comes on and off depending on the context. Every identity I possess has a vital role to play in my life. I am what I am because of those traits. I am the merged version of all my identities. This then, convinces me that I have never lost my identity in motherhood but rather I discovered another part of myself which was yet to be explored. You see, giving birth to my daughter is also an extension of me, since she came from me.

In simple terms, your identity is your blueprint, which makes you stand out from the crowd. It encompasses attributes, qualities and values that define how you view yourself, the people around you and the world. We tend to form our identity from the labels we place upon ourselves, the roles we undertake, and the activities we complete. For example, as professional mothers, we can see ourselves as mothers, wives, partners and employees but we need to consider the fact that our identity is shaped from much more than these. It is anchored in our conscious, subconscious and unconscious. Our daily activities, our environment, the people, the things we are exposed to provide us with the experiences which we then internalise. This in turn shapes the way we relate with the world and the people around us. Thus, we essentially identify with whatever resonates with us.