Read This Quickly Or We All Die

Dear Reader: We, the editors and publishers of this (loosely termed) book did not willingly publish this work and would have spared you its shoddy pacing, run-on prose, and bad syntax if possible. Regrettably, however, the book must be read for reasons which will become clear to you as you wade through the woeful plot. We apologize in advance for subjecting you to the story contained herein. You see, all of the villains have escaped into the real world—and the protagonists, well, yes, and even the author—where they are mucking about, carrying out a destructive battle between good and evil in the midst of a busy urban setting. The protagonists are vastly outnumbered at this point. We require a reader to labouriously track the convoluted threads of the story to their natural conclusion. Having already picked up the book, the job might just as well fall to yourself as much as to any other poor soul. Thank you, and good luck.