Red Green's Beginner's Guide to Women: (For Men Who Don't Read Instructions)

Red Green's wisdom, wit and whimsy on mankind's greatest challenge . . . now in paperback.
     Red Green is celebrated as one of the handiest men in North America. But as well as being a purveyor of inventive practical advice on, for example, making a jetpack from two propane tanks, a hybrid car from recycled golf carts and satellite dishes, and a kiddie ride from a bar stool attached to the agitator of a washing machine, Red Green is also noted for his insights into that most difficult of assembly jobs, human relationships.
    His previous bestselling tome, How to Do Everything, showed Red dipping his toe into the self-help genre with such items as "How to make dinner more romantic" and "The easy way to raise children." Now Red Green--a veteran husband (of Bernice), father, soul-searcher, philosopher and observer--has devoted an entire book to sharing with other battle-weary and confused males all he has learned about the differences between the sexes.
    Set out in approximately chronological order, from teen dating to the last words of men ("You know, honey, in the last couple of years, you've really packed on the beef"), this is the testosterone owner's manual to every aspect of finding a mate and then learning to deal with her growing disappointment in you. The man who has already shared such morsels as "If you can't be handsome, be handy," and "Quando omni flunkus moritati," ("When all else fails, play dead") here presents a Ph.D. in life-lessons about the most vexing problem facing mankind today, or any day: women.

RED GREEN is the star of The Red Green Show, which had first runs in Canada and the U.S. from 1991 until 2006, making it the longest running live-action scripted comedy in the world. It continues to be enormously popular in reruns in Canada and in the States.

Artist RED GREEN has previously illustrated books by Red Green.

Photographer RED GREEN made his camera himself. The author lives in Possum Lodge, Chapter 11, a Northern Ontario Eyesore.