CHAPTER 1
A Holy Communion Story
I. Introibo
Would it happen again? Would the ultimate joy/suffering be accorded again? Yet, no sign was ever needed for the young cleric; his faith, though tried at every turn, had endured.
Gathering in the church narthex, the cleric and band of pilgrims prepared to enter the little city of God, St. Cecilia's.
The bell sounded, the organ rang out the entrance hymn, and the pilgrimage began.
He stepped into the church. As he traversed down the aisle toward the altar, he became aware that, again, he was losing himself. It was happening again.
Father no more, now Melchisedech, moving to meet his Beloved, becoming Him as he neared the altar, the cross. Becoming He who would save the world.
But with each step came the weights of the crosses he would bear.
Walking this via delarosa, he was vaguely aware of the people assembled in the pews along the way. It seemed that the original path was being reenacted, with jeers from the populace on the way to Golgotha ... only here the shouts were within the minds of those assembled. Although he was processing toward the altar, a myriad of thoughts from the congregants invaded his mind. There were pious and holy sentiments here, but the cacophony of distracted thoughts became paramount.
To his right a weight was projected onto him ... "Can't they play diff erent music? This stuff is so sing-songy."
To his left ... a woman chewing gum, concerned that her breath was presentable.
Up ahead ... Someone worried about what to cook for dinner ... someone distracted by a sleeveless blouse ... someone wondering if he could sneak out after Communion ... someone bothered by the children in the nearby pew ... someone thinking that the person sneezing should have stayed home ... someone wondering why she didn't stay home ... so many some ones, each thought adding weight to his journey to the altar, so many small crosses becoming one huge cross.
Who would help in carrying this cross? So many holy souls assembled, but seemingly no one to send a blinding thought of holiness to lessen the weight.
Blinding thought ... blinding ... blind.
There, near the front, there came a holy thought. "Oh Jesus, prepare me to receive you next week. I love you, and I want to be with you."
It was Bartholomew, the eight year old who, with his class, would approach the altar as a first communicant. And as Father bowed before ascending to the altar, it was Jesus, wracked in pain from the journey, Who smiled and felt the warmth and love of Bartholomew as the holy sacrifice would be re-presented. Simple and pure love from this beautiful child, who could only see with his heart.
Bartholomew was blind.
And the Lord of all heard the rest of his prayer. "Dear Jesus, I know that when I receive you, you will shower me with holy gifts. Please, receiving you is all I could want. Give the gift to my dad ... he needs a job."
Jesus smiled and blessed him.
II. The Gift
The day had arrived.
Father checked to see that the pilgrimage of young souls was ready to enter the Church for Mass and their first Holy Communion. The CCD teachers placed each child in the proper row and proper order. The children, dressed in communion best, would process in before the altar servers, followed by Deacon and Father.
The only glitch in this orderliness was on the left side, the boy's processional. Standing tall, but a little out of place, was Martha. She was Bartholomew's mother. Bartholomew, who was blind, was being escorted by the one who was at his side since his birth. Martha was happy for him, but she wished he could see the grandeur of what was about to transpire.
Dan, Bartholomew's father, was seated in the rear pew of the Church. He had asked Martha to escort their son; Dan was embarrassed. He couldn't take looks of pity for his son over the years, and now, just a few weeks earlier, he had lost his job. He had even sunk into arguing with Martha over the littlest of things, more concerned about his fragile circumstances than over the angst Martha also felt. It should have been a time of delighted anticipation of his son's first communion, and Dan felt he had let everyone down.
But both father and mother had tears of joy at the fuller communion their son would share in the Church. They had hoped his years' long desire to receive Holy Communion would meet the expectations they had for him and the expectations he had for himself.
Martha reflected on how she had prepared him for this day, teaching him his prayers and going over his catechism with him, but being very careful to avoid John, chapter nine, where Jesus cured the man blind since birth. There was no sense in getting his hopes up.
Dear Lord, she thought, if he expected this miracle and it didn't come ... but she knew it was she who wanted the miracle for her son. And, on this day, she asked God's forgiveness for lessening Bartholomew's joy by arguing with Dan over the past weeks.
Dan reflected on how he had learned to be less and less selfish over the years as he helped his son in his needs, being at times his eyes. It wasn't easy, so he learned patience, too. How do you describe color to one who cannot see? Bartholomew could smell the flowers, take in their fragrance as he touched the petal to his nose, but he could only imagine their colors, just as he had to imagine the color of a blue summer's sky, the grandeur of a sunrise or sunset. Oh, Lord, that he could see! Is it possible for you to do this?
And Father Benedicto began celebrating the glorious Mass. His homily was one filled with exquisite joy, for this was the day that two dozen young souls were to experience a holy communion with Jesus in Holy Communion. And he, alter Christus, was privileged to bring Jesus to them ... especially to Bartholomew. Oh, how he had prayed for that lad who lived a courageous life for one so young.
Lord, he prayed silently as he ended his homily and prepared to begin the Credo, if you could spare just one small miracle ... but Thy Will be done.
And minutes later, having intoned those most holy words ... "This is My Body ... This is My Blood ..." he briefly remembered an occasion several weeks before ...
He was processing to the altar, no longer man, no longer Melchisedech, but becoming Alter Christus, when he "overheard" so many thoughts coming from the pews ... thoughts which were disquieting, becoming little crosses he had to bear as he approached the altar of the cross. He had heard Bartholomew's thoughts at that time, praying to receive Jesus soon and praying for his parents, not for the possibility of eyesight.
Then the priest began his descent from the sanctuary as the organist began playing "Eye has not seen, ear has not heard, what God has ready for those who love Him." He reached the bottom step, preparing to communicate the first Holy Communion class. As he waited, holding the Lord in his hands, he pondered the communion hymn. "May all eyes see Your glory, Lord."
The two rows of first communicants, boys on the Blessed Mother's side [with Martha among them] and girls on the St. Joseph side, rose to begin their journey to become one with their Savior.
Bartholomew rose from his kneeling position in the pew. His mother noticed tears running down his face. She rose to assist him and to wipe away the tears. Poor child, she thought, if he could only see this beautiful sight.
"No, mom, I can go up by myself," he whispered, "I'll just follow the lights."
"The lights?"
"Yes, don't you see all of the lights?"
III. The Lights
Martha stood as if suddenly struck dumb. The lights? What lights? How could he see lights? Oh, no! My Lord, are you giving him his eyesight? She knelt back down.
Bartholomew had been kneeling when he heard Father say, "Behold the Lamb of God, behold Him who takes away the sins of the world. Blessed are those called to the supper of the Lamb." His eyes had been closed, his hands clenched in holy prayer, thanking God for the impending Gift and asking for that important favor ... help for his parents who, he knew, were having problems.
At the sound of Father's voice, he opened his eyes ...
Light! That's what it had to be. So many little lights ... all around where the altar was ... above ... to each side ... all over ... everywhere. He saw a great unbelievably bright light with rays shooting forth in the area where Father had just spoken. He couldn't see any people or objects, just lights.
He looked to his right and to his left, and where his friends were in the pew he saw little lights. Nothing else, just the lights. And he knew that if he followed these lights in the pew next to him, they would take him to the big Light where Father was.
And all of the children, at Father's proclamation of "Behold the Lamb of God ..." felt a new warmth within. Their hearts were filled with a newfound joy, and a new light was enkindled in those hearts.
All rose, including Bartholomew. As he prepared to go forth, everything became brighter. Gold lights all around, flying around that Great Light. And each of these lights were singing to the Great Light, "Holy, Holy, Holy Lord God of Hosts. Heaven and Earth are filled with Your glory. Hosanna in the highest. Hosanna, hosanna, hosanna to our King." Music he had never heard before, music so beautiful, accompanied their signing.
"Do you hear it, mom?" he asked in a low voice as he prepared to exit the pew, "Isn't that music so beautiful?"
Martha thought her son was enticed by his hearing "Eye has not seen ..." and she was fearful he was expecting a miracle. "Yes," she said, "it is beautiful. Eye has not seen, ear has not ..."
"No, mom, not that music. The music coming from those lights singing to the great Light."
Now Martha was confused. "I don't see anything." In a moment of inspiration, she said, "As you go up to receive Communion, just ask Jesus what those lights are."
"OK, mom."
And, as the not so blind boy approached that most wonderful Banquet, he asked, "Jesus, what are these lights that I think I see?"
Everything stopped.
IV. Answers
Everything stopped. Almost everything. The congregation was still, the music stopped, as if the whole scene had been in a picture.
But the lights and the special music continued. And the great Light spoke.
"What are these lights? My son, not what but who. I AM the Light of the world. You see before you your Lord, in a way no one can see until I come again. Around Me are the Choirs of Angels singing their praise. Welcome, my son, to the Supper of the Lamb. Partake and have life forever."
The church moved again.
As each child received Communion, Bartholomew saw that the Great Light became part of the little light which, he knew, was the child.
And as he responded "Amen" to Father's "The Body of Christ," he felt the Great Light within him. He followed the little lights back to his place in the pew.
Martha couldn't wait. "Can you see, my little one?"
"I see Jesus, Mom."
"Nothing else?"
"There is nothing in this life I want to see more than my Jesus."
And Mass ended shortly thereafter.
After the Blessing, the first communicants recessed from their pews and to the narthex, to the sound of a trumpet voluntary.
Dan was at the back of the church. As his son approached, assisted by his mother, he moved to greet him.
"Hi. Dad," he said."
"What? You can see me?"
"Dad, Jesus let me see His light in all people. I notice that each light is different. I know your light."
Dan could only look to Martha with a "what is he talking about" look.
No one could know of the new joy which enveloped the first communicant. But he thought, "Lord you have given me Yourself. I had hoped You could have helped my parents."
An answer whispered in his mind: "Wait".
Moments later, the people went to the church basement for a reception. Bartholomew smiled. The light who was his mom and the light who was his dad moved closer together. "Honey," they said almost in unison, "I love you. Sorry for being so troublesome."
He knew they were hugging.
The light who was Father Benedicto moved to the little holy family.
"Congratulations, Bartholomew. This is a great day for you. And you, Dan ... I was just talking to John over there. Seems he going to need some help with the new IT network he is getting. I recommended you, and he would like to see you as soon as possible. You could go over and talk to him now, if you want."
"In a while, Father. I need to have a few minutes to celebrate with my wife and my son."
CHAPTER 2
Initial Reflections
Contract with the Holy One
And Bartholomew grew. As he entered teenage and young adulthood, he kept having dreams, as if there was a special communication to be had. He asked his mother if everybody had weird dreams, especially about God and things. She said it often happened to people, but that they didn't know how to respond to God's soft whisperings. She told him to ask who it was who was talking to him. His mother knew her Lord was taking care of her son.
When the next dream occurred, he asked what was wanted of him. The Voice told him he would soon receive his eyesight, but in a way diff erent from other people. And a mist enveloped him, in which a serene figure appeared. He told Bartholomew the following, which he wrote down years later:
Nothing in the world shall be comfortable,
Except that which Comfort Himself gives to you.
In seeking His Comfort, you must cast off
The worldly chains which bind you.
Call to the Father, through His Son, in the Holy Spirit, with
the help of your Blessed Mother.
And ... after much anguish ...
You will be free.
Nothing will be static. Nothing will be firm,
Except God.
Expect no safe harbor in the storm,
Except that which He provides.
You must pick up your cross each day,
Or it will be thrust upon you.
Practice true and pure humility,
Or you will be truly and purely humiliated.
Know this:
You will NOT be God's gift to the world,
Nor will the world be God's gift to you.
God so loved this world that He gave His only begotten Son, but the world knew Him not, and it crucified Him.
As long as the world has cast off Christ and continues
To crucify Him by its actions,
You must cast off that world and heal up His wounds
By your actions.
Remember these words:
"I am the Lord, thy God. Thou shalt not have strange gods before Me."
Anything and everything which takes you away from the Comforter or stands in the way of you and the Comforter can be or is a strange god which you have put before Him. Therefore, you must detach yourself from the gods you cling to. No associating with those things which will not lead you to God. As long as you have these things, you will not have God.
"Remember: keep holy the Lord's Day."
All days are the Lord's. Therefore, on all days, reinforce in your mind the holiness of the Lord and your absolute dependence on Him.
Have in mind at all times the Jesus Prayer: "O my Jesus, have mercy on me, a sinner."
Just saying the words will be no magic formula for success; opening your heart to Him by these words is possible only if you realize that they are a vehicle ... and at this point you have little choice in transportation.
And know that all of heaven will join you in prayer and you with us, for we are community.
"Honor thy father and thy mother."
No one is saved by their own actions and merits; all are called to help one another. You will honor your father and your mother by opening yourself up to their help. And remember, even brother or sister or friend or foe will be your father and mother: honor all.
"Thou shalt not kill, steal, or bear false witness."
Anything which pollutes your body or mind will ultimately kill if not stopped, be it physical or mental or moral pollution. To engage in any such practices is to steal your soul from its proper Owner, God.
To deny that your actions are dangerous and mortal to your body and soul is to bear false witness before God, for you surely know, with that spark of Eternity with which God invested you, that any rationalization of your actions is an affront to God, a "non serviat," Satan tried it, and you know where it got him.
You must pick up your cross each day,
With humility.
The Lord will help you.
And, after much anguish,
You will be free. You will see.
Into the Red Mist
First encounter ...
There was very little light in the room. A room? It was large, but the depth and breadth of it was lost in the low light. Light? Yes, there was light here.
In the middle of the room was an altar. A reddish warm hue like a delicate fog enveloped the area, with the faintest hint of incense in the air ... air that was still and holy.
On the altar was the source of the light. From the monstrance on the altar came a living glow. The Holy Eucharist!
The Light permeated everything. It was a room, but the walls seemed so distant as not to exist, but a room it was.
The altar was raised on a platform, reached by ascending seven steps. In the dim that was lit by the Living Light were two robed figures, half ascended up the steps, one on each side of the altar. Their eyes were fixed on the Eucharist. They were each fully aware of the Presence and vaguely aware of each other.
