Remember I Can't Remember

'Everyone struggles to accept and care for a loved one with dementia, but there is no step-by-step guide to the way it will unfold for you. This book is a must for anyone who knows someone with dementia. Getting into the right frame of mind, trying to see it through that loved one s eyes, is essential. The author has really nailed this in a concise, easy to understand way. I recommend it to everyone. A quick, easy to read book that you will come back to again and again for support and insight. It will help you remain compassionate and sane.' Dr. Kim Leatham MD ABFP Virginia Mason Remember, they can't remember. The seemingly simple task of remembering they can't remember will cause a paradigm shift. Do not read anything into it, they really just don't remember. Take the time to consider what that means. It means they cannot follow your lengthy explanation of what short-term memory loss is. It means they have lost their ability to manipulate you. They cannot be trained or taught to take their medicine or drink their water. They cannot remember what you just said no matter how loudly or slowly you said it. Their forgetting does not diminish the previous value of any person, relationship, experience, or thing. We do not want to believe that we are so easily forgotten. We may get resentful and angry. We have an intense need to be acknowledged and remembered. Usually we view it as their anger lashing out with a combative spirit, when, at least in part, it may be ours. They simply can't remember. How much of the Alzheimer s/dementia struggle is about us? How much of their struggle comes from our anxiety? We need to be willing to move toward the unknown. Accepting this is accepting their loss and our loss. It represents a shift in the relationship that we may not be ready for. That acceptance may be heartbreaking, but it is the starting point for care. Life's final stage is made up of simple acts of profound significance. Phrases in our book are meant to be helpful immediately in a practical way, but also to turn your attention to the spiritual current that runs beneath all that we do.

Eric and his wife, Heather, live in the Puget Sound area. When not writing and consulting, they are avid gardeners and mid-century modern furniture enthusiasts. They maintain a blog, Shoestring Abundance, meaning just that. They believe that beauty is available to all, no matter what the budget, as long as you understand how to recognize it. Heather is also an oil painter, which she does anytime she isn't doing something else. They are constant students of the mysteries of life.