The Resolutionary(TM) Guide to Emotional Intelligence (We Were Never Taught This)

Most of us were taught to manage our emotions by managing how visible they were. Do not cry here. Do not get angry like that. Calm down. Move on.

So we adapted. We learned to smile while hurting, to explain instead of feel, to go quiet, or to get loud. And many of us came to believe that the calm person in the room is the emotionally intelligent one.

This book offers a different picture. Emotional intelligence is not measured by how little you visibly feel. It shows in what you are able to do with what you feel: noticing, staying, telling the truth, and returning, as many times as it takes.

The Resolutionary(TM) Guide to Emotional Intelligence is a practical, plain-spoken guide in four parts:

SEE IT. What emotional intelligence really is, how to separate sensation, emotion, thought and story, what to do when you do not know what you feel, and how triggers and protective patterns work.

OWN IT. What happens when you are flooded, the need beneath a reaction, the difference between feeling and acting, how shame and defensiveness pull us away, and how to tell what is yours from what is not.

WALK IT. What a feeling needs, how to stay with it without feeding the story, what to say when you are emotional, how to listen without fixing or disappearing, and how to repair after a reaction.

EMBODY IT. Emotional safety without avoidance, boundaries and honesty, living with other people's emotions, and a new relationship with feeling.

At the back are two tools made for real moments: the Emotional Triage Guide, seven steps for when a feeling is strong and you cannot tell what to do next, and Words for Real Moments, ready-to-use sentences for pausing, asking, owning, and repairing.

You do not need to do any of this perfectly. You only need to be willing to stay with yourself a little longer than you did yesterday.

Book Two of the Resolutionary(TM) series. Companion to The Resolutionary(TM) Deck of Emotional Intelligence.

A.L. has a degree in psychology and Anthropolgy along with extensive training and post grad certifications in a number of mental heath and healing fields. She is the author of the Resolutionary(TM) series of guides and card decks, and the founder of Solace for Humanity Foundation. For nearly thirty years she has followed one question: what actually helps people heal, repair, and change? She has asked it in classrooms and villages, in communities, and in her own kitchen. Her books are the guides she wishes someone had handed her earlier. She writes as someone still practicing. Find the books and decks at resolutionarypath.com.