'Rhythm's Fate' is the true story of two people's journey into uncharted water's called internet dating. It is the story of a woman who chose a man out of a sea of faces and her unwavering faith as they are tossed into the eye of the storm. What starts out as a simple email turns into a saga of epic proportion. A song writer seducing his prey with written words, Rake Michael consumes Unwavering only to be caught up in the web he has created. Through poetry their tale unfolds as they fight demon's from their past and obsess over the unknown. Their story is of reason and fate. When two people are brought together by more than mere circumstance but by the touch of death as a soul passes into the after life. In the end Jazzman and Dr. D discover they must listen to the rhythm that beats from the heart, when the secret is revealed, when "goodbye is too hard to say."
Rhythm's Fate
When Goodbye Is Too Hard To SayBy Darla Marx Michael SperandioAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2009 Darla Marx with Michael Sperandio
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4389-3705-2Contents
Passion...........................................13His Smile.........................................14I Beg Of You, Close Your Eyes.....................16Savage Deception..................................18The Critics.......................................20Mine For Taking...................................21Her Heart Breaking................................23A Place In Time...................................26A Word............................................29Till Death Do Us Part.............................30Can't Catch The Wind..............................32Colors Of The Rainbow.............................34Waiting Wondering Wanting.........................36I Am Blessed......................................38I Know............................................40Insert Foot.......................................42Lonesome Train....................................44This Promise I Make...............................48More Than A Memory................................50Poo On My Shoe....................................52Pretend...........................................53Sonnet Duet.......................................54The Sounds of Silence.............................56What If...........................................57What if...........................................58Why Can't You See.................................61I'm Tired.........................................63Eternal Kiss......................................65Mother Oh Mother..................................67From A Mother To Her Son..........................69Matron's Voice....................................71Crystal Eyes......................................73Empty.............................................75A Souls Cry.......................................76A Thousand Sorrows................................77No More No Less...................................79Attached..........................................82Facing The Music..................................84Come To Me........................................88Faded.............................................89When Some Time....................................96Your Sweet Face...................................98Drops.............................................106
Chapter One
Passion by Unwavering I taste your lips, the moistness of your breath
Your face I see in candlelit shadows
Eyes staring, watching me with expectations of what is to come
The sounds echoing in our ears, finding pleasure in noise
Your fingers tightly gripping my hair, holding fast wanting
Your heart beats fast then slow as if the rhythm is begging for more
Whispers of submission, releasing your power unto me
Your body speaking to me in a language known only as passion
To feel your warmth, I will not rush but wait patiently
For when that time comes we will be as one
Knowing the purpose for which we breathe
His Smile by Unwavering For Chuck
I would give my soul, my being To embrace once more the emotions that your smile brings to me
The way it slants to one side when you are embarrassed Head tilting back as to say stop
That one dimple that sinks into a hole of endless comfort Shared only with me
My fear that no matter where life takes me I will never be able to look upon your face
Your square jaw sweeping down coming to a point and then up again Reaching to the heavens in all its glory
Your hazel eyes beading glimpses into my soul Small and round, hidden only by the rim of your glasses
The top of your head that needs no hair It is independent in it's own self and needs none to feel like a man
Your moist kiss, ahhh ... that kiss Soft and gentle as to say tonight your mine No pretensions, no shyness, just give me your heart and I will keep it safe
The touch of your skin, soft and smooth Spreading through my fingers like sunshine through glass Warm and boundless.
A vertical scar that is a sign of a battle won
Never knowing the moment of most intense pleasure when you are inside me Coming together as one, inseparable only by time
I wish I could say this love is all your loss But I know deep in my heart it is mine.
* * *
Frustration was at its peak. Sperandio and I had been talking every day and he wouldn't give me an inch. He wouldn't tell me if he cared for me or if he wanted me to go away. I was becoming a mental wreck. Michael had no idea the game we played affected me so emotionally. I was my own worst enemy. I felt like a flipping sixteen year old again and was so upset with myself for being so immature. I was doing my best to cut off ties and not think about him. Internet relationships are not for the faint of heart. They leave you empty and your mind wondering. Where is he? What is he doing? Who is he with? Nine times out of ten he isn't with anyone, but it's hard to convince your mind when cyber space is your only connection. I had to remind myself that he was a single father taking care of his family. He had dinner to prepare, clothes to wash, school events, and a job that took up his time.
'I Beg Of You, Close Your Eyes' is a poem about my insecurities as a woman. I had a twenty-five year marriage that ended because my ex-husband decided that the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. Since I was never given a reason, I felt like it was because I was overweight, growing old, or hell maybe even gravity had something to do with it. Body parts shift over a period of time and Mother Nature was playing a cruel joke that I was reminded of every time I looked in the mirror.
Michael never once gave me the feeling that he cared about any of these things. He had a three year relationship with a woman after his divorce that had all of her curves in the right places like my self. He always spoke with such fondness of her and I liked her because I could relate. She knows who she is and out of all the women Michael dated, she and I will remain in his heart forever.
Still I couldn't help but think something was wrong with me. What I needed to cross over to the fall out of love realm, was time. I felt like with time it would get better, but those damn dreams just kept coming. They never let up and I looked forward to going to sleep every night. What can I say, he's that kind of guy and bad juju Sperandio was the realm of my world. He's what I thought of every waking moment and even when I slept.
I Beg Of You, Close Your Eyes by Unwavering
Do you have any idea of the power you hold over me So naive, trusting my feelings so easily
Am I not worthy of your love, not capable of keeping it safe Of opening it's doors to that secret place
How could I believe your words were for me Is it's because they rolled off your tongue so convincingly
They have become silent now, no more do I hear Is it you've run out of sympathy, dear
Oh if you were blind and could not see This carcass on the outside of what is called me
But instead looked deeper where I reside You would have all the beauty you desire
So close your eyes or give me back my heart I need it now to make a fresh start
To give me strength to get through each day Without stumbling and falling by the way
I look forward to time passing now Of growing out of love somehow
I will tomorrow or someday soon Just one more dream by the light of the moon
* * *
When Michael emailed me the next poem, he hadn't given it a title. He just told me to post it on my poetry forum and see what kind of response it would get. Michael can be such a Rake sometimes, and this poem did not make me happy. I knew he was trying to get rid of me, but for some unknown reason, he couldn't just come out and say it. I thought he was telling me through his poetry. I also couldn't figure out if he wanted me gone so badly, then why did he persist on communicating every day. I guess that's what rakes do. I posted his poem and gave it the title 'Savage Deception'. A very fitting title indeed.
Savage Deception by Rake Michael
Inside you where I spend my days I spin my web with my wicked ways
So as to trap you in the world I create I must capture you before it gets late
To eat your heart out to chew on your soul To create inside you an empty hole
The tie that binds you is my angel breath Angel of darkness angel of death
I fight for your sanity as I take you away Suck the breath from inside you as you begin to decay
The light fades to shallow as the depth I reveal Tho bind you and keep you for my slave and my meal
* * *
Seems the Critics had the same impression of Michael's poem as I did. They posted it in the Darkness category and gave it bad reviews. Michael wasn't happy with the critics at all, which I felt completely satisfied about. He wrote 'The Critics' and told me to post that one and see how they liked it. I was laughing so hard after reading it, I almost pissed my pants. I thought to myself, Michael doesn't take constructive criticism very well, now who's acting like the sixteen year old.
The Critics by Rake Michael
The critics want my words to flow my literary genius to show
Give the masses what they desire to please the people I fan their fire
Forget the art that I create to coin an old phrase let them eat cake
To write so bland a poem as this is just like giving your sister a kiss
My hands are tied and feet are bound your belly I see is big and round
So take a stick stuck up your ass I give you my blood in a wine glass
* * *
After 'Mine For The Taking' and 'Her Heart Breaking' were written, Michael and I stopped communicating .... for a whole four days. This game that we played I would not recommend to anyone. At this point, I was seriously thinking about getting on medication. Then I realized they don't make medication for fools. Yes, I felt like I was the biggest fool of all. When I read his latest creation I became infuriated. I realized I wasn't the only fool in this relationship. I thought Don Juan my ass, this fool must be in La La Land. Five foot nine inches of balding ego.
Now you would think after receiving a poem like, 'Mine For The Taking' an intelligent woman would say goodbye. But because I obsess, I had to reply with 'Her Heart Breaking', what I thought would be my last poem to Michael. I thought it was and still is some of my finest work. Still something about this man had me in his spell and his poison was slowly driving me insane. I kept telling myself "Darla wake up, stay away from the light. Don't look back, you'll turn into salt." But then I was dealing with Sperandio and when you deal with Sperandio, you throw caution to the wind and just jump right in. So the drama and saga continued.
Mine For Taking by Rake Michael
I am the rake dark sinister and cold I toy with you have you in my hold
I burn with desire that enflames your soul I am extreme, dangerous and hard to control
I seduce you with a roll of my tongue The fantasy of females from old to young
Words are your weakness I use them well For all of the pleasure I'll burn in hell
The company I keep men you may know Don Juan, Fronsac and D'Annunzio
Great lovers of women live for the chase Capture then leave them that is our fate
A moment is all you have with me I'll love you like no other then set you free
On to the next one I use my charm To create the spell that twists your arm
You will not know until it's too late By then I'll be outside of your garden gate
* * *
Remember before reading 'Her Heart Breaking' that Michael and I had never consummated our relationship when he was in my fair city. As a matter of fact, I think I was the only woman Michael hadn't slept with. The old adage "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" definitely applied.
Her Heart Breaking by Unwavering
It can be told of men so bold
Their hearts are cold and can't be stole
My heart you'll break for you will I ache
From morning when I wake until the last breath I take
But then again lovers are men
With switches to pull by my virgin wool
They say its great powers that I possess
Chew men up with great success
Are you so sure my words are real
Or are you to me just a meal
That is a question only time will reveal
At that time you'll mistake lust for love
You men are fools that I'm sure of
So play your games and let's see who wins
And lets both go to hell for our sins
* * *
I had met another man online about two months after I met Michael. It was uncanny how much Michael and Tim looked alike. One inch difference in height, same age and both are bald. I thought how much more misery can God inflict on me.
Tim and I had become the best of friends and could talk about anything. I never mentioned Michael to him except in some of our first emails. 'A Place In Time' was written one night after Tim and I had one of our deep conversations about everything from God to what we needed in a mate. We talked about how time has no meaning to God, how we were all on this earth for a short period, and how God gives us windows and doors, how we choose the paths that we take and the doors we open. Sometimes they are bad choices, but they are our choices to make. Tim asked me a question, "How do you perceive life after death?" It only took me a split second to know the answer. All I could think about was Michael.
A Place In Time by Unwavering
Time to me now holds no meaning A place intended with no convening
Opening my world to all its treasures Accumulating in adventure and pleasures
My future in amongst all the oceans Unlimited in volumes, flowing with emotions
Observing no more the small world that surrounds me But boundless foretold possibilities
Dreams that direct me to the door of my fate Revealing my destiny before it's too late
A lover, companion till death us do part True to each other, connected by one heart
He is there waiting for my gentle embrace To spoil and lavish, my love never replaced
A question of how I perceive life after death In the arms of my destiny taking my last breath
* * *
The first poem Michael wrote to me was 'A Word'. This was two months into our relationship and things weren't going so well. Michael was enjoying single life and didn't want to be burdened with a steady girlfriend. I could understand, because at the time I was very confused about my own feelings. I knew I loved Michael, but didn't know if I wanted a serious relationship either.
I told him I didn't need anything from him but three little words, those words were I love you. I had tried to make him say those magic words so many times, and he would transpose the letters or say "I love me too". I so enjoyed his cleverness and how he could evade those three little words with such imagery. I smiled every time and shook my head at his wittiness. It was great fun. I told him that we would play a game of pretend, and that all he had to do was pretend he loved me. Michael is very good at pretend, as will be evident when you read 'A Word' and 'Till Death Do Us Part'. I thought to myself that if he said I love you enough, through osmosis, one day he actually would. I know, right? I said I was under a spell and was not thinking rationally.
'Till Death Do Us Part' is the second poem he wrote to me. Michael emailed me and said, "you asked for it, you got it." After I read 'Till Death Do Us Part' my heart sank to my stomach. I had to read it twenty times to make sure I was interpreting it correctly. See, when you know you're playing a game of pretend, but words that you've been longing to hear are written down in ink for you, it seems permanent and hard not to take them to heart.
I analyze everything, it's not one of my better qualities. Michael had written 'A Word' in an email. 'Till Death Do Us Part' was an attachment he wrote and saved as a word document. This had two meanings to me, either Michael had changed his writing habits and taken his time when he wrote it, which meant he had to have had a thought process, or he had written it for someone else and felt it was appropriate for this big game of pretend we were playing. I confronted him about my theory of it being written for someone else and he assured me it was not. Michael as far as I know has never lied to me. He may have left some really big parts out, but never lied. If it was written to someone else from his past, too bad, too sad, it's mine now.
I will take these two poems to my grave as my most prized possessions. Like King Tut entombed with his royal diadem of gold, these poems will go with me, guiding my passage to heaven's door. I will read them once more before I enter and smile remembering a little bald bass player that made my life a living hell, but completed me so well.
A Word by Rake Michael
A strong word one that can move mountains or bring man crashing to his knees
A lone word one that can change time and space or make woman do what man pleases
A loud word one that can be deafening in silence or make man weak like a disease
A single word one that can caress and destroy or blow over women with a breeze
The word is a gift or a curse made for two the word is LOVE and I give it to you.
Till Death Do Us Part by Rake Michael
Like flowers in spring time The smile on my face When ever you meet me In our special place
So tender your kisses So soft is your touch Sometime these good feelings I like them too much
With fun like the children We skip and hold hands Some day at an alter We'll trade those gold bands
The sun sinks so slowly The glow on your brow I know I must have you Forever from now
You give me your laughter I give you my heart When these words are spoken Till death do us part
* * *
I had begun nicknaming all Michael's women friends. I never call anyone by their given name, so I thought why change now. It's harmless and I mean no offense in any way. I'm sure these women are very nice and have their own unique personalities or Michael wouldn't have been interested in them at all. The girl he was in love with when I first met him, who broke his heart was Shanikwa. There was Monica, Ordained Therapist and of course my favorite Shaquandra. I found that if Michael's women took on a different name besides their given it made them invisible to me.
Michael emailed me one time and told me something that I have always remembered. He said, "my relationship with you has outlasted all of the others. You know as well as I that we are bound by something that can not be broken, no matter how hard you or I may try." I wish I knew what he meant by something. I wish he knew what he meant by something.
'Can't Catch The Wind' is a poem I wrote while Michael was out of the country on business. He had already told me about Monica, whom he had met before he met me. He told me she had emailed him and told him all the naughty things she was going to do to him when he returned to her city. See, that's Michael. Never tells a lie even if it hurt my feelings. I began to imagine all the naughty things she was doing to him. See I had forgot that he had meetings, a job to do while he was there, children at home to check on. I thought he was there just to do the nasty with Monica. At least that's what I was thinking at the time. Silly, I know. But was it really? When reading 'Can't Catch The Wind', the reader must imagine Michael as the wind and his many quests as grains of sand, and then the poem will make sense.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Rhythm's Fateby Darla Marx Michael Sperandio Copyright © 2009 by Darla Marx with Michael Sperandio. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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