Roasts & Toasts: Snappy One-Liners for Every Occasion

If you've ever been tongue-tied with your glass poised in mid-air, waiting for an inspirational burst of eloquence, here's the reference for you. Whether for a wedding or work party, retirement or anniversary, or even if you just want a witty toast to pull out at a casual dinner, you'll find them all here. Try these: Present a thick-skinned speaker with this wisecrack, Here's a speaker who needs no introduction. Believe me, we've tried several and they don't help. Or, if the tables are turned, counter with this jibe, I've never heard an introduction like that before. And if my lawyer is worth his salt, I'll never receive one like that again. If you're stepping up to the mike after a glowing prelude, you could start with something like, That was a wonderful introduction. Now even I can't wait to hear what I say. Greet an absent-minded man of the evening with some good-natured ribbing, Someone asked our guest of honor to pass the salt and pepper. He said, Here's the pepper. Now what was that first thing you asked for? If a retiree is a renowned travel bug, bid him adieu with this quip, You can tell from looking at our guest of honor that he's a traveling man. He must be. Practically everyone he meets tells him where to go. With hundreds of roasts and toasts for dozens of different occasions and personality types, you'll never be left speechless again!