CHAPTER 1

Present

The door crashed open, sweeping in the cold wind of a Minnesotafall. It whistled through the tiny Indian reservation house, a mereshack, set off alone at the end of the last dirt road. Heidi ran toembrace her father in her birthday dress. He was disheveled in his tornblack-and-red wool shirt. His unshaven face, deeply scarred from toomany fistfights, presented a persistent crooked smile. He opened thedoor reeking of alcohol.

"Happy birthday. Here's your fucking birthday cake," Roycescreamed as he threw the box onto the table. It slid off the Formicasurface, slamming into the oven door on the other side of the table. "Shit.I didn't mean for that to happen." His face flushed with embarrassmentand alcohol.

"You're drunk," she said as she cowered on the floor beside her cake.Red and green frosting, Heidi's favorite colors, dripped down the ovendoor. She picked it off with her finger and stuck the sweet commercialtopping into her mouth.

Royce took a swing at her but missed. "Get up off the damn floor."

"Mother doesn't want you swearing at me." Her voice was just louderthan a whisper. "Besides, I thought you were harvesting wild rice."

"The reservation council said I was disruptive." He spit out the lastword. "They kicked me out."

"Daddy, you aren't disruptive when you're sober. You're sweet andkind and gentle."

"Since when does a teenager have the right to criticize mydrinking?" His face blazed with anger. "You're not old enough toknow what you're talking about. Wait till the world has knocked youdown a few times; then come and tell me about drinking." He slappedher face. This time he didn't miss. Heidi felt the welt swelling on hercheek. She covered her head in defense and started to cry. He slappedher again. "Would you grow up? You're eighteen years old today.Crying is for babies."

"Be nice, Daddy. Please be nice."

"Who cares about your goddamn birthday, anyway? I have moreimportant problems to deal with. Now shut up and eat your cake." Hestaggered out of the house. The door screeched on its hinges as anotherburst of cold air blasted through the kitchen.

Heidi chased him out the door. "Daddy, you shouldn't drive whenyou're drunk. Come back in the house and sing `Happy Birthday' tome. You haven't sung to me yet."

"Eat your cake. I got things to do."

Heidi watched his unused seatbelt catch in the car door as he droveoff. She cringed as she watched the car swerve down the dirt road. Tearsfilled her eyes. She touched the welt on her cheek. The cold air soothedthe swelling.

She turned back to the house. The tar paper flapped in the wind,exposing the underlying boards. Their house had never been finished.Royce had spent the money the tribe had given him to finish the sidinggetting drunk. An addition perched on the side was added several yearslater when rice-harvest money bought a washing machine and hot waterheater for a shower.

The rusty hinges squeaked in resistance as she yanked the dooropen. She plunked down on the kitchen floor beside her cake. Her fatherhad chosen her favorite white cake with cream filling. The frosted redroses on green leaves wilted in the shattered bakery box. She put herfinger into the cream filling and stuck it in her mouth. It was so smoothand sweet. She broke off a piece of the cake and nibbled it, but it souredin her mouth and her stomach convulsed with cramps.

* * *

Several hours later, her mother, Angela, came home from work. Sheparked in the rutted dirt patch outside Heidi's bedroom window. Heidiwas still sitting on the kitchen floor, fingers smeared with cake crumbsand cream filling. She hadn't moved since her father left. Her five-foot-tenframe, tall for an Ojibwa Indian girl, wilted beside the oven door.Red and green frosting smeared across the welt on her face contrastedagainst her high cheekbones and caramel, acne-free complexion. Tearsstained the front of her party dress. Even her long black hair, which hadbeen combed so straight for her celebration, was littered with crumbs.

"Heidi, what happened?" Her mother put the mail on the table andknelt beside her.

Heidi looked up. "I am sorry. I got the dress you made me all messy."

"Don't worry about that; what happened to your cake?"

"Daddy threw my cake and left. He didn't even sing to me." Sheburst into sobs.

"Oh, sweetheart. My precious daughter." She hugged her, tearswelling in her eyes. "Where is he now?"

"I don't know where he went. He ran out the door and took offin his old car. It's falling apart, you know. He didn't even put on hisseatbelt."

"He hit you. I can see the welt across your face," Angela said.

"He hit me twice. He said that I was not old enough to criticize hisdrinking. But I pleaded with him not to drive when he was drunk."

Her mother sang a song in Anishinabe. Heidi knew most of thewords. It was an old Ojibwa healing song, full of magic words thathealed her deep hurting, words that she understood but that could notbe translated, words she had memorized since she was a child. She lovedto hear her mother sing healing songs. Angela's lilting voice was salveto her soul.

"I've decided to be a healer, Mother." Then she dropped her gaze,fearing her mother's disapproval. "Was that arrogant of me? I'm sorry.I should have asked if I could become a healer."

"You are strong willed, Heidi. But you are also special, Quek quekidji wun o que." Her Anishinabe name meant Whirling Water. "You arefrom a lineage of women who heal. I am sure that you can become ahealer, but you will have to be tested by the Midewiwin Society."

"Will I be able to heal Daddy?"

"Oh, sweets, I pray that you can heal him. I've been too weak. Iquit drinking nine years and one month ago. I was as bad as your fatherwhen you were young. The healing songs helped me quit."

"I'm so glad you quit. You have been a great mother to me. AndDaddy is so nice when he is sober. Is there a plant medicine or a healingsong to make him sober?"

"The liquor was brought by the foreigners many years ago, but theGreat Spirit has not given us a powerful medicine to counteract its evilfor everyone. Maybe you will find one." Her soft stroking of Heidi'scheeks soothed the swelling.

"I will have to go on a vision quest like the boys, won't I?"

"Yes, you will. You remember when you went through the initiationto become a woman when you first menstruated. That was easy comparedto becoming a healer. Are you willing to spend almost a year learning thestories and songs? After that you have to prepare for your vision quest,enduring at least four days of fasting to discover your Manitou spirit, whowill give you the knowledge and power to heal. Finally, you will have tobe cleansed and meet with the Midewiwin elders for approval. It requiresgreat humility and tenacity. Do you really want to commit to that?"

Heidi grimaced and closed her eyes.

"Does that frighten you, Quek queki dji wun o que?"

"I choose not to be afraid of anything that will help my people,Mother. You have trained me well." But Heidi knew that her mother'sbrother would make the final decision regarding whether she could gothrough the initiation.

"Maybe your uncle Marten will sponsor you. He will have to givemany gifts to your Midewiwin sponsor and the elders for you to becomea healer, a Mide. Once you start, you must finish or you will not onlydisappoint Marten, but you will disgrace him."

"I will do my very best, even if I have to starve for eight days."

"Heidi, you will be fed by your Manitou when you seek a vision. Itwill come to you in the days prescribed."

"When may I start my training, Mother?"

"Soon. Maybe this fall you can start learning the songs. Yourinitiation could be next summer."

"I am ready, Mother."

"Don't be so sure. You must be humble to be a healer, and it willinvolve great hardship."

"Do I have the tenacity to endure, Mother?"

She straightened her daughter's hair and tucked it behind her ears."Yes, Quek queki dji wun o que, I believe you do."

* * *

The next morning, Heidi awoke to flashing blue and red lights throughher bedroom window. She pushed aside the shred of cloth that servedas a curtain to look outside. Two cars were in the driveway: her father'sjunker and the sheriff's patrol car. Deputy Collins, always dressedso sharp, got out of the driver's side of her father's vehicle and joinedSheriff Rabideaux at the door. Sheriff Rabideaux was one of the fewAnishinabe who had qualified to be a sheriff. Heidi knew him as a kindand thoughtful person as well as an honored tribal council member. Hisdaughter, Megan, was Heidi's best friend. Heidi ran out of her roomand yelled for her mother.

"Mrs. Barton," the sheriff said as Heidi's mother appeared at thedoor in her bathrobe. Heidi knew it was official because they had beenfriends for years and he always called her Angela when they met in townor at the grocery store.

"Yes, Sheriff Rabideaux?"

"I am sorry to inform you that we found Royce dead outside Fischer'sBar. May I come in and ask a few questions?"

"Daddy's dead?" Heidi screamed and looked at her mother, whoseface was flushed but expressed no emotion.

Angela invited the two officers into the living room. They took offtheir hats and sat on the couch. Heidi whimpered in the torn overstuffedchair while her mother pulled up a kitchen chair in front of the coffeetable. "May I make you a cup of coffee?"

"No, thank you," the two officers said in unison.

"Then please continue," Angela said.

"We found Royce face down in a mud puddle in the parking lot atFischer's Bar. His body is at the city morgue. We'll need you to identifyit. He seems to have drowned. My question is did you give him somemoney recently? I know he's been unemployed since he got fired at thepaper mill."

"No, I haven't given him any money. He just drinks it up, so I'mpretty tight with the finances. It was my only way of keeping himsomewhat sober." She twisted a tissue in her hands. "Why do youask?"

"Joe Fischer said he bought drinks for everyone at the bar and, well,Joe didn't trust him so he asked him to pay in advance. He paid witha one-hundred-dollar bill, and Joe noticed that he had several othersin a wad."

"No, I gave him no money to flash around."

Heidi looked up. "Sheriff Rabideaux, yesterday was my birthday,and when he brought home my birthday cake he was ..." She clearedher throat. "Intoxicated. He said he was asked to leave the rice harvestbecause he was disruptive. Could someone have given him money there?They may have paid him for the rice he had already harvested."

Both officers stood. "Joe Fischer said that he left the bar withseveral hundred dollars, but there was no money on the body. We'reinvestigating for foul play. I am deeply sorry for your loss." He handedher the car keys for the junker. "Thank you for the help. I'll let you knowif I find something out."

When they left, Angela went to her room; Heidi curled up in thechair and covered her face with the afghan. Both women knew thatthere would be very few at the funeral. Nobody respected the towndrunk.

CHAPTER 2

Heidi set her lunch tray on the table in the corner by the window,where she and her friends always ate together. Katy Heikkela, theonly petite blonde in their school, followed her. Her mother washalf Ojibwa, but her father was Finnish. In a school of mostly NativeAmericans, she was a curiosity.

"Can you help me with this essay for English?" Katy said as sheslapped her tray down beside Heidi. She had pizza, milk, and some sortof green Jell-O.

"Katy, we've had two weeks to work on that essay. Aren't you done?"Heidi said. She took a sip of her tomato soup, set down her spoon, anddipped her grilled cheese into the soup.

"I haven't started. We are supposed to write about what we plan todo when we graduate. I don't know what I want to do when I graduate.I'm not going to be the game warden like my father. I just want to marrysome rich, cute guy and have some perfect children."

Heidi laughed. "Write that down for starters."

Megan Rabideaux appeared with her lunch tray. She had one sliceof cheese pizza on her plate. "Hi, guys."

Katy slid over to let her sit down.

"Hey, I'm going to eat with Paul Hanson today. You know, he gota drum set last Christmas and he's been practicing. He's getting prettygood. Jake and Greg play the guitar and ... well, he asked me to be thelead singer for the band they're starting up. So we'll see you later." Sheturned and headed for the other side of the school cafeteria. Paul wasstanding and waving for her to come. Jake and Greg were devouringtheir pizza.

"I think she's boy crazy. Paul told her she was cute," Kate whisperedas Megan left. "You know she can't sing."

"I didn't think Paul was her type," said Heidi. "I don't trust him.He flashes around the money his father gives him, but have you seenthe way he and his gang, Jake and Greg, sneak behind the school tosmoke every day? And what is their thing about oranges? They alwayssmell like oranges."

"I think it's an identity thing. They eat oranges while they'resmoking. I know because they invited me to join them."

"You didn't do it, did you?"

"Yah, I did, but just once. But I don't like oranges, and the cigarettesmoke made me cough. Besides, Jake tried to feel me up. I sure didn't likethat. He's slimy." Katy took a bite of her pizza and pushed her uneatenfood aside, pulled out a piece of notebook paper, and put her name ontop. "Now what about my essay? Come on, give me some ideas."

"What do you want to do when you graduate?"

"I guess I'd like to work at the paper mill, make some money, andbuy some fancy clothes."

"Write that down, Katy. I think Miss Stratton is grading ongrammar and spelling and not so much on content. Oh, add the partabout marrying someone handsome and prosperous ... and then havingseveral well-behaved children."

"Is that what I said?"

"I edited it for you."

Katy tried to eat her pizza while she wrote sentences. "Shit." Shecovered her mouth and looked around to see if anyone heard her. "Igot pizza sauce on my essay." The green Jell-O caught her attention,and she poked it with her spoon. "What is this stuff? Are they tryingto poison us?"

"Don't worry about it. Keep writing. You can copy it in studyhall."

"I thought you were going to help me with math in study hall. Iflunked the quiz last week." Katy rubbed her hands together to makesure no more pizza sauce got on her essay and wrote another couple ofsentences before gobbling the last bite of cheese off the crust.

"I got permission to tutor you in math during study hall. We justhave to check in with the study hall monitor, and then we can go to thelibrary. There'll be plenty of time to copy your essay then, before we diginto your math assignment."

"I just got to write a few more things. It only has to be one page,right?"

While Katy added sentences to her essay, Heidi focused her attentionon Megan. Paul had his arm around her. "Yes, just one page; that's theassignment."

"What did you write about?"

"I hope to go to the University of Minnesota and major inchemistry."

"Oh." She put her pen down and held up her essay for Heidi tosee. Crumbs fell off the page, and she brushed them away. "There, Iwrote big so it fills the page." She rubbed off the pizza sauce, but it lefta greasy stain.

Heidi laughed. "You will definitely have to copy it."

The bell rang. "Off to class, Heidi. Thanks for the help."

Heidi glanced across the cafeteria just in time to see Paul embraceMegan and snatch a kiss across her lips.

* * *

Standing at her locker the next day, Heidi picked the books that sheneeded for homework and stuffed them into the book bag her motherhad made for her from a pair of her father's old blue jeans. She sawMegan standing down the hall with Katy. "Hi, guys," Heidi said. Shesneezed at the smell of tobacco on Megan's breath.

"Oh, so you are still talking to us?" said Megan.

"Of course. Why not?"

"Since Miss Stratton read your essay out loud in English class asthe perfect example." She snarled the last word. "All about how you aregoing to be a great big doctor when you grow up. I figured you were toogood for us common Indians," said Megan.

"Come, on, Megan. Just because I want to be a doctor doesn't meananything. You're special to me. We're best friends."