Must We Say We Did Not Love? (Paperback or Softback)

Are you going through a divorce or break-up? Are you a professional helping divorcing couples and families get through the process? Whether acrimonious or amicable, divorce is a painful process that imposes emotional, financial, and ethical strains on everyone involved. Many people are now seeking the help of teams of professionals to take them through this transition in a respectful, non-adversarial way so that those divorcing and their children will come through the process as whole as possible. . If you are a professional, here is a resource you can offer your clients. . If you are going through a divorce yourself, this book can help you reach closure and gain the strength to move forward unbroken. After completing the legal process, adults and children alike may still feel the need for some kind of rite of passage to cement their intentions so they can move on into the future instead of staying stuck in the past. Parents may want to offer their children greater security and ease in the transition. Based on the author's 25 years' work co-creating rituals with divorcing couples and families, this book shows you how. By sharing engaging stories of real people in varied circumstances, Naff highlights key elements to consider in creating a divorce ritual that's appropriate for you. The ritual can be simple and informal or structured and intricate, honoring each person's beliefs and/or philosophy. Grounded in a brilliant analysis of the psycho-spiritual value of ritual, this book offers you a way to deeper peace and resolution through a 4-element process, flexible enough to fit your feelings and values, your children's needs, and your goals for the future. Even in the midst of pain and anger, you can create an opportunity for healing.

"Throughout my 34 years as a clinical psychologist in private practice I have been aware of the need for closure rituals. Once clients have worked through loss, abuse, trauma, or life passages, they need to take the steps of integration, transcendence, and, finally, closure.

Many of my clients have expressed the wish to share rituals with a group of loved ones or friends at the end of their therapeutic work in order to have witnesses to this final step, to be surrounded by a circle of compassion.

I perceive the practice of closure rituals to be the last crucial step in the psychological healing process. Because of this, I am delighted that Dr. Naff is writing a book about such rituals. Due to her wide range and depth of knowledge in the fields of counseling, retreat and ritual facilitation, ministry, public speaking, university teaching, and creative writing, Dr. Naff is truly a gifted and brilliant expert. Mental health professionals will profit greatly from this resource."

--- Dr. Gisela Bergman, Clinical Psychologist, Eugene, OR

"In a society that privatizes loss, leaving people ritually empty and ignorant of the power of symbolic acts, I am in desperate need of resources that offer compassionate hope and healing. Dr. Naff recognizes this chasm of grief and brings her sensitive spirit and brilliant mind to the task of providing words and actions that allow people to `come full circle' in their lives filled with change. I am grateful for this upcoming resource and will recommend it highly to my colleagues."

--- Rev. Tiare L. Mathison-Bowie, Senior Pastor, First Presbyterian Church, Newton, IA

"Through rich storytelling and clearly delineated principles, process guidelines and examples, Dr. Naff provides collaborative professionals and participants invaluable tools and sage guidance with which to facilitate the deep peace and lasting agreements that earmark the highest potential of collaborative practice."

--- Suzan Barrie Aiken, J.D., Collaborative Attorney and Mediator, President, Collaborative Family Law Professionals of Marin, Co-Chair, Collaborative Practice California, Third Annual State-Wide Conference

"Dr. Monza Naff's Must We Say We Did Not Love? is a book I need in my lending library...yesterday!

Throughout the twentieth century and into the twenty-first science has been demonstrating again and again that we live in a continuous universe. But psychotherapy, running behind the times, has continued to stake its reputation on dated beliefs about a separate mind, a separate body, a separate person.

Dr. Naff recognizes at once the wounds caused by the illusion of separation, and she artfully creates rituals essential to the healing process--no-two-snowflakes-alike rituals which provide the sacred space to rediscover one's undisturbed wholeness."

--- Dr. Ann Jauregui, Co-founder of Marin Creek (Multidisciplinary Healing) Center, Berkeley, CA and Faculty, School of Clinical Psychology, John F. Kennedy University, Orinda, CA

"In the collaborative practice community, we hold out the possibility that a couple can experience a dissolution process that is deeper, more profound and more meaningful than a mere settlement of their financial and parental rights. Dr. Naff invites us to offer our clients even more--sensitive, customized rituals to mark a life transition that can be more life-changing than those we traditionally have rituals for - births, marriages, and deaths. Dr. Naff's talent lies in creating a safe context that respects all the current feelings of each affected person. Whether the whole family participates, or each party creates their own separate ritual, each has the opportunity to honor the past, affirm the positive things that will continue, and set powerful intentions for the future. I believe that introducing our clients to the wisdom and mystery that ritual can offer will not only benefit them and their families, but will contribute to the healing and well-being of our greater community."

--- Nancy J. Foster, J.D., Exec. Director, Northern California Mediation Center, attorney, mediator, trainer and collaborative divorce attorney.