The Scroll of Hi Nu: And Selected Fragments from The Scrolls of To Fu

Recently, a Zen emergency occurred wherein a Buddhist student needed to attain liberation in about five minutes. He was guided to "The Scroll of Hi Nu." Hi Nu was allegedly an ancient compiler of scriptural fragments who was "channeled" by a psych patient and poet from San Francisco. And while Hi Nu is supposedly ancient, he can allegedly compile modern sayings too. This work has been branded as a heretical forgery.

The book's history is obscure, but the following is often said about it: When Zen students at a certain temple (rumored to be a mythological location) announced that the ordinary rigors of conscientious Zen practice were impossible, and when they confronted their teachers with their need to become instantly enlightened, the head teacher (rumored to be a mythological character) could not usually offer any guaranteed solution to the students' problems. He did, however, offer the students "The Scroll of Hi Nu" which they usually read with some apparent satisfaction.

If the students later returned and asked for some additional reading material, the students were then given "Selected Fragments from The Scrolls of To Fu" (a work of similarly dubious origins allegedly derived from a vast collection of scrolls now considered lost to history). Experts, when asked about the existence of these scrolls have been known to utter, "I will not dignify this nonsense by even commenting on it."

To Fu is also one of the authors cited in "The Scroll of Hi Nu." To Fu is, according to legend, a discredited poet in ancient China who somehow fails to gain literary fame or romantic love.

The entire work only takes several minutes to read, and, due to its brevity, Zen monks are said to be able to "recite it in a single breath," or, as some have boasted, "between breaths as I'm meditating."