The Secrets of the M*A*S*H Mess: The Lost Recipes of Private Igor

If you think war is hell, just try the food in the mess tent! For 11 years, fans of the television program M*A*S*H experienced the Korean War through the eyes of the doctors, nurses, and support personnel of the 4077th Mobil Army Surgical Hospital. One of the most important, though least appreciated, members of that brave band was Private Igor, the company cook. Almost every episode of M*A*S*H contained some reference to food--and it was never good. "Our food here leaves a lot to be desired," Commanding Officer Colonel Henry Blake states in one show. "Oh, it fills you up if you can keep it down." Regarding the breakfast entrée, Hawkeye Pierce exclaims, "I'm sure that was the same bacon that wrote Shakespeare's plays!"

So why, if Private Igor's food was so bad, should any cook in his or her right mind be interested in a collection of his long-lost recipes? According to Jeff Maxwell, author of Secrets of the M*A*S*H Mess and the actor who portrayed Igor for more than a decade, inside that poor, much-maligned purveyor of army swill was a gourmet chef struggling to get out. Imagine, if you will, what Private Igor might have been capable of if he'd had ingredients such as cilantro, turkey sausage, Kahlú'a, or fusilli pasta? A quick glance at recipes such as Helmet Hash, Pre-Op Novocaine Shake, and Winchester's Wilted Lettuce Caesar Salad will give you some idea. And while you're whipping up a Company Clerk Quiche, you can amuse yourself by perusing the many photographs, quotes, and letters home from Private Igor that are scattered through the pages of Secrets of the M*A*S*H Mess.