Jerry. George. Elaine. Kramer.
We've followed their misadventures for nearly ten years on Thursday nights. Here, finally, are the scripts of the first two seasons that will take you back to the beginning of Seinfeld.
Featuring the first 17 episodes ever aired, The Seinfeld Scripts contains all the great lines that have kept us laughing for years: the pilot episode, "The Seinfeld Chronicles," where it all began; George introduces his importer/exporter altar ego Art Vanderlay in "The Stakeout"; Kramer becomes obsessed with cantaloupe in "The Ex-Girlfriend"; Jerry and George meet Elaine's dad in "The Jacket"; is Jerry responsible for a poor Polish woman's death when he makes "The Pony Remark"?; Jerry and Elaine decide to become intimate again in "The Deal"; what will George do when he is banned from the executive bathroom in "The Revenge"?; and Jerry, George, and Elaine wait for a table in "The Chinese Restaurant."
It's all here: the award-winning writing of Seinfeld, "the defining sitcom of our age". Created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld.
Elaine: My roommate has Lyme disease.
Jerry: Lyme disease? I thought she had Epstein-Barr syndrome?
Elaine: She has this in addition to Epstein-Barr. It's like Epstein-Barr with a twist of Lyme disease.
George: She calls me up at my office she says, "We have to talk."
Jerry: The four worst words in the English language.
Kramer: What a body. Yeeaaah...that's for me.
Jerry: Yeah and you're just what she's looking for, too--a stranger, leering through a pair of binoculars ten floors up.
TEASER
INT. NIGHTCLUB--NIGHT A
Opening credits over the following:
Jerry
Do you know what this is all about? Do you.know why we're here? To be out. This is out. Out is one of the single most enjoyable experiences of life. People--you know how many people come home at night--"We should go out?" This is what they're talking about. This whole thing--we're all out, no one is home.
Not one person here is home. We're all out. There are people trying to find us. They don't know where we are. "Did you-I can't find them, where did he go? I don't know. He didn't tell me where he was going. He must have gone out." You want to go out. You get ready, you pick out the clothes, right? You take the shower, get all ready. Get the cash, get your friends, the car, the spot, the reservations, when you stand around, what do you do? You go, "We gotta be getting back." Once you're out, you want to get back. You want to go to sleep, you want to get up, you want to go out again tomorrow, right? Wherever you are in life, it's my feeling, you've gotta go.End opening credits.
ACT I
SCENE A
FADE IN:
EXT. COFFEE SHOP--ESTABLISHING SHOT--DAY (STOCK)
INT. COFFEE SHOP--LATE AFTERNOON (DAY I)
A typical New York City coffee shop. It's not rush hour, but there's activity and we hear that unmistakable din. Jerry and a longtime friend, George, are sitting at a table. George, slightly insecure, has an opinion on everything. He lives life at a higher intensity level than Jerry.
Jerry
See, now to me, that button" is in the worst possible spot. The second button literafly makes or breaks the shirt. Look at it, it's too high, it's in no-man's-land. You look like you live with your mother.
George
Are you through?
Jerry
You do, of course, try on when you buy.
George
Yes, it was purple, I liked it. I don't recall considering the button.
Jerry
Oh, you don't recall.
