Sharing the Same Heart: Parents, Children, and Our Inherent Essence

Children, Parents, and the Dharma all around us! A collection of Dharma talks by Daehaeng Kun SunimBecause you are inherently connected with your children and everything around you, as you entrust your problems to your essence, your foundation, the light that arises from this will also grow brighter within the other person. So there's no reason to blame others. Instead, work on using your mind wisely. If you can go forward with this kind of wisdom, how could your family not be happy and successful?

From the Foreword:

One day I happened to meet Daehaeng Kun Sunim as she walked out into the main courtyard of the Seon Center. There were two or three young children playing there, chasing each other and yelling with abandon. They probably lived in the neighborhood, and had found a wide-open space for their games. But they were being kind of noisy in the heart of the temple, and one of the sunims with us grumbled about it.

But Kun Sunim spoke up, saying, “I think it’s beautiful.”

Even now, twenty years later, I still remember this.

It showed me an aspect beyond the surface, the noisy kids, beyond the temporary disruption, and nudged me towards a more complete picture. For play is a sign of healthy kids. It’s good for them, and it’s a pretty good world where kids have the time and energy, and safety, to run and shout.

There’s an expression in Korean, that when the headwaters of a stream are clean, the water downstream will be as well. It flows from the top. If the parents are working diligently at entrusting everything to the fundamental, awakened true nature within us, which is also the connection we all share, then as they get a sense of this, their connection with their children opens up and becomes more vibrant. The children in turn respond to this, and as this energy flows back and forth, parents have a better sense of what they need to be doing.

Thus, while Daehaeng Kun Sunim often encourages parents to teach their children about this practice of relying upon our foundation, she spends most of her time talking with the parents, encouraging them to work on their half of things.

To be honest, there’s only so much parents can do. Children come into this world with their own personality, history, and karma. As any parent can testify, beyond a certain point, you can’t really make children do much. Yelling and threatening are always temptations, but even when they yield results, everyone involved is often left feeling a little terrible.

Instead, as we begin to discover the light within us, our own inherent teacher, then we begin to get a better sense of the situation, and how to respond effectively. We begin to see what we can do to help bring forth this light in others. And as our own light begins to shine forth, children too begin to sense this. They learn from how we respond to them, but they also learn from how we treat others and how we respond to the things that come up in our life.

In addition to the need for parents to work on their own spiritual practice, Daehaeng Kun Sunim also answers questions in these Dharma talks about prenatal care and education, and specific issues between parents and children. Because fetuses and young children are changing so rapidly, the positive influences they receive at this time are magnified throughout their life, so to her, this was an excellent opportunity to help deepen a child’s potential for spiritual growth.

When the energy of our own fundamental Buddha nature shines bright, then it can automatically connect with and support the people in our lives. And as children experience the taste of this energy, that becomes a standard, an idea of what’s possible, and so they don’t easily fall into dark paths. And while the topic of this book is children and parents, this is also true for all the people around us.

Seon Master Daehaeng was one of the most respected Buddhist teachers in Korea. She famously taught monks as well as nuns, and put a special emphasis on teaching laypeople how they too could practice spiritual cultivation and so awaken from the upside-down dreams that rule much of our lives.