Sinbad's Guide to Life: Because I Know Everything

My friend Oprah Winfrey, on her TV show, has called me "the funniest man on the planet." That was kind of embarrassing--but if Oprah wants to think I'm funny, who am I to argue?



My mother says I'm brilliant. Well, I am her son, so she might not be objective--but since she knows me better than anyone, it must be true.



Don't ask me. All I can say for sure is that I'm a 6'5" black comedian with red hair and a high butt who has walked a mile in every man's shoes. What I mean is, I've lived large and fallen hard--lost every job I've ever had, messed up everybody I've ever dated, been kicked out of every institution I've ever been in, including marriage--and I've survived. That's how I know everything. Why, you could steal five or six books and not find as much help as I will give you.



Don't act like you don't need my help.



I know your life is jacked up--hanging around the bookstore, all by yourself. It's sad. You're probably one of those lookey-loos too, browsing the book for free, should I buy it, should I not? Hasn't indecision ruled your life long enough? Take a stand and buy it.



But do me a favor: Until I've had the chance to get your life in order, please pay cash. I'd hate to have to call the repo man on you.

rah Winfrey, on her TV show, has called me "the funniest man on the planet." That was kind of embarrassing--but if Oprah wants to think I'm funny, who am I to argue?



My mother says I'm brilliant. Well, I am her son, so she might not be objective--but since she knows me better than anyone, it must be true.



Don't ask me. All I can say for sure is that I'm a 6'5" black comedian with red hair and a high butt who has walked a mile in every man's shoes. What I mean is, I've lived large and fallen hard--lost every job I've ever had, messed up everybody I've ever dated, been kicked out of every institution I've ever been in, including marriage--and I've survived. That's how I know everything. Why, you could steal five or six books and not find as much help as I will give you.



Don't act like you don't need my help.



I know your life is jacked up--hanging around the bookstore, all by yourse