And now the latest in an even longer line, Dr Sebastian Maelstrum, has asked me to jot down my biography “on a couple of A4 sheets” before we meet for our first session...

Seriously! Who is he kidding?

By the end of it though his life will be transformed as he plummets into a crisis of identity and becomes en route, over the course of one year, my de facto proof reader.

And my life? Well, I'm still waiting for the day when I can truly say:

Time's Up in Shrinksville

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