The Ugly Woman's Guide to Internet Dating: What I Learned From 70 First Dates

In four years, Rose had 70 first dates. Yes, 70.

In her own words:

Life is very different for the woman who thinks of herself as physically unattractive and there are few places in the adult world where these differences manifest themselves in such sharp and bold relief as the world of internet dating.

My tender heart jumped up and down in excitement countless times when I was confident that I d found the man that d wear my wedding ring. Yet looking back, the predominant emotion I felt throughout this internet dating experience was frustration.

The two dozen internet-dating books I had read never mentioned the frustration factor. Looking at the authors bios on these internet dating books, it was evident that these books were written by and for the beautiful people. What could they know about the pain of being rejected (again and again), solely because of your looks?

The amount of rejection I experienced in the virtual world of the internet was massive. It eroded my self-worth and diminished my self-confidence to a point where I had to withdraw periodically and recharge.

The cycle was almost comical. Sign up at one of the online dating sites. Write a new profile. Read new profiles. Invest hours in finding suitable men, emailing men, phoning men and then, finally, a face-to-face meeting with The Man. Then a second date, a third and a fourth. And then become smitten with said man. And then get heart broken by man. Cry a lot. Eat a little. Lose some weight. Get happier. Get distracted with work. Get happy with life. And then the lonelies would start. And then I d tell myself, Well maybe if I just tried one more time.

My dogged persistence was fueled by a simple motive: I longed to be mired in romantic love. I wanted to know how it felt to be cherished and respected and adored and admired by a man. I wanted to have a man that I could cherish and respect and adore and admire. I wanted a man who d call me pet names like Peachblossom. I wanted to have someone to call with my happy news, and someone who d let me cry on his shoulder when there was bad news.

During this four-year period, I became disgusted with the overly simplistic, one-size-fits-all advice I found in the mainstream books on internet dating. When you re a woman of a certain age and a woman of a certain size and a woman with a certain look, much of the advice offered in these books is bad advice that will leave you with a heart that s been broken in too many pieces to count. If your heart does survive the experience intact, chances are your self-esteem won t be so lucky. Dating via a medium that judges you by nothing more than your profile picture is hard for everyone and it is emotional torture for women who feel that they re less than beautiful.

The so-called experts also claim that profiles with photos generate eight to 20 times more response than photo-less profiles.

My profile generated more responses and better responses without a photo.

Depressing? Yes. Look what I said about it in my journal: Feel rejected and dejected on every side. So many guys have looked at my photo and then rejected me. I wonder if I will ever find a man who loves me.

You need to know that my story had a good ending, because many parts were dark, depressing and heartbreaking.

And my good ending was what I learned about myself, and what I learned about real love, true beauty and thumbnail pictures. Come sit with me for a time, read my story, and let me tell you what I've learned.

I know all about the uniquely feminine pain of wishing you'd been born with a prettier face.

I know how it feels to be called ugly names in school and endure vicious teasing just because you are not pretty. I know how it feels to believe, deep down in your soul, that your whole life could have been so much easier and simpler and sweeter if only you were one of the beautiful people.

And now - after having experienced those 70 first dates - I know that there are very few places in the adult world where these differences manifest themselves in such sharp and bold relief as the world of internet dating.

In a four-year span, I went out on 70 first dates. During that time, I filled my diary with 1,400 pages of tear-stained notes on this experience. Those notes form the backbone of my story.

In short, I wrote the book that I wish I could have read before I started dating.

Rose's bio:

The author of four books and the country's leading expert on kit homes, Rose has written a new book on her experiences in the world of internet dating.

Read her engrossing and deeply personal (and at times, heart-wrenching) story that frankly and honestly discusses the challenges of being less than beautiful in a dating world that judges you first and foremost - by your thumbnail profile picture.

Rose Thornton is the author of The Houses That Sears Built (2002,) Finding the Houses That Sears Built (2004) and California s Kit Homes (2004) and The Reality of Real Estate (1986).

Rose has traveled to 24 states to give 200 lectures on Sears Homes, from Bungalow Heaven in Los Angeles to The Smithsonian in Washington, DC. She has addressed a wide variety of audiences from architectural preservationists in Boston, St. Louis and Chicago to kit home enthusiasts in small towns across America.

Rose has appeared on PBS (History Detectives), A&E (Biography), CBS (Sunday Morning News) and her book was featured in its own category on Jeopardy. She is considered the country's authority on Sears kit homes. Her work has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Christian Science Monitor, Washington Post, L. A. Times, Dallas Morning News, Old House Journal, American Bungalow, Blue Ridge Country and about 100 other publications.