The Ultimate Counterterrorist Home Companion : Six Incapacitating Holds Involving a Spatula and Other Ways to Protect Your Family

We all know how our government is fighting global terrorism, but what are you doing to help? Probably not much.

The Ultimate Counterterrorist Home Companion can change that. It’s the definitive guide to how you can be a soldier in the War on Terrorism without having to leave your kitchen. This illustrated manual will expertly train you and your entire family in:

• Spying on your neighbors
• Turning common household objects into useful terror-fighting weapons
• Baking your way to homeland security
• Making your antiterrorism drills more kid friendly
• Planting booby traps and land mines in your home and garden
• Strategic mail-opening strategies
• Making your own color-coded terrorism alert chart

From the moment you get up in the morning (at a different time every day to keep attackers off balance!) to your final closet and under-the-bed check at night, you’ll want to keep The Ultimate Counterterrorist Home Companion close at hand. (In fact, if you don’t buy this book, you are acting in a suspicious manner, in our opinion!)

Larry Arnstein worked at the CIA as an undercover agent for many years until his cover was blown by Dick Cheney after a shouting match at a pickup basketball game. Currently, he holds the Dennis Rodman Chair of National Securities Studies at Borden State University, where he is a Visiting Professor of Panic.

Zack Arnstein has personally killed over eight terrorists that he found in his own neighborhood. Or at least he thinks they were terrorists. . . . He’s pretty damn sure, actually. Yeah, they definitely had to be terrorists. Probably. He is currently completing his doctorate, also at Borden State, in epiosteemiology. This is their third book. While they have a common last name, they are not related, nor do they interact socially.