When Your Aging Parent Needs Help: A Geriatrician's Step-by-Step Guide to Memory Loss, Resistance, Safety Worries, & More

It’s scary and stressful when it happens…. noticing changes in your parent and becoming increasingly worried about their health and safety. Maybe it’s Mom leaving the stove on, Dad getting lost on his way home, or unpaid bills that trigger this realization. Or perhaps there have been falls or emergency room visits. Whatever it is, you know something’s wrong. You wonder about a diagnosis. And you want your aging parent to accept help, or perhaps move.

Helping an older parent can be gratifying. But it’s especially hard if they’re blowing off your concerns, refusing to make changes, or otherwise resisting your efforts. You want them to listen, but they get upset or withdraw when you try to talk about this. What to do?

You don’t have to remain stuck in conflict with your parent (or other family members). You don’t have to keep getting the runaround from doctors or feel stumped about next steps. Instead, use an expert’s clear plan on how to help your aging parent.

In this practical, step-by-step guide, geriatrician Leslie Kernisan, MD, walks you through what to do and what to say in order to offer respectful assistance and intervention to a declining elderly parent.

Full of actionable advice and insider tips, When Your Aging Parent Needs Help provides practical and flexible steps that move concerned families toward effective elder care action, while respecting a parent’s dignity and autonomy.

You’ll discover:

• How to communicate with your aging parent to reduce conflicts and enhance cooperation
• The A-B-C-D-E assessment framework for Alzheimer or other dementia concerns, safety issues, or independent living – and steps to implement change
• Strategies to overcome parental resistance, health provider reluctance to share information, and family disagreement
• How to get a medical evaluation for memory loss and, if applicable, a diagnosis for Alzheimer’s or another dementia
• What to know about possible mental “incompetence,” powers of attorney, HIPAA, and other options for gaining legal authority as a caregiver
• How to find geriatric care managers and other eldercare professionals to assist
• Downloadable worksheets, symptom checkers, and checklists to bring to doctor visits
• “What this looks like” family stories that show you what these action steps look like in real-world situations

Transform good intentions into workable solutions and improved relationships. If you’re concerned about an aging parent’s health, wellbeing, or safety, you’ll find encouragement and direction for this next life stage in When Your Aging Parent Needs Help.

If you have any issues accessing the downloadable cheatsheets from the book, please email us at support@betterhealthwhileaging.net.

LESLIE KERNISAN, MD, MPH, is a practicing geriatrician and the founder of the popular aging health website and podcast Better Health While Aging, which she created to help families and older adults learn better ways to manage common aging health challenges.

"Dr. K" has always had a special interest in supporting families who are helping aging relatives.  She believes that it shouldn't be so hard for older adults and their families to access what geriatricians know about improving the health and wellbeing of aging adults.

Dr. K currently offers a Helping Older Parents Course and other online programs to provide expert guidance to people caring for aging parents. She's also a Clinical Instructor at the University of California, San Francisco, Division of Geriatrics. Previously, the site medical director of the Over 60 Health Clinic in Berkeley, she now maintains a small consultative practice in the Bay Area. She trained in internal medicine and geriatrics at UCSF and is a proud graduate of Princeton University and Case Western Reserve School of Medicine. She lives in San Francisco.

See betterhealthwhileaging.net


PAULA SPENCER SCOTT  is an award-winning writer on health and aging and the author of more than a dozen books, including Surviving Alzheimer's: Practical Tips and Soul-Saving Wisdom for Caregivers and collaborations with doctors at Harvard, UCLA, and Duke.

A journalist fellow of the Gerontological Society of America, her work appears in Parade, PBS Next Avenue, AARP, and other national media. She also gives talks on caregiver support and brain health. She lives in Colorado.

See paulaspencerscott.com