When Kids Say They're Trans: A Guide for Parents

Being the parent of a gender-questioning child is confusing.

You want to do what’s best for your child, but doctors and therapists might make recommendations that conflict with your instincts as a parent, the person who best knows your child’s unique history, challenges and struggles. Do you immediately affirm a newly professed gender identity, watch and wait, or pursue some other path?

While many books have been written for parents who choose to facilitate their child’s gender transition, there are almost no books for parents who do not think that social or medical transition is the best option for their child. Written by Sasha Ayad, Lisa Marchiano and Stella O’Malley—three mental health professionals who collectively have decades of experience working with trans-identified adolescents and their families—When Kids Say They’re Trans is a resource designed explicitly for those parents who do not think that hasty affirmation or medicalization is the best way to ensure the long-term health and well-being of their child. It is also for those who simply aren’t so sure about the best course of action and want to learn the facts before committing to a particular approach.

At a time when schools, institutions and governments increasingly promote ideas about gender that confuse children and even encourage kids to keep secrets from their parents, the authors celebrate parental love and engagement as the bedrock that children need to move out into the world. As the authors make clear, parents who have successfully helped their children navigate gender distress without resorting to surgery and hormones have done so by actively taking the reins – not by reflexively outsourcing this responsibility or waiting until they found the ideal therapist or doctor.

When Kids Say They’re Trans tells you all you need to know as a parent to help your child struggling with gender issues—and will give you the confidence to trust your own instincts as you guide and support your child on the path toward growth, acceptance and maturity.

Sasha Ayad is a licensed professional counselor in private practice who works with teens and young adults struggling with issues of gender dysphoria and gender identity. She also runs a robust parent coaching membership group to help parents navigate their child's identity exploration with discernment, wisdom, and compassion. Sasha is cohost of the podcast Gender: A Wider Lens.

Lisa Marchiano is a licensed clinical social worker and a certified Jungian analyst. She consults with parents of trans-identifying teens and detransitioners and is the author of Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself.

Stella O'Malley is the founder of Genspect.