When Someone You Love Is Depressed: How to Help Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself

Although numerous books have been written for those suffering from depression, until now none of them has addressed the "secondary" victims of this debilitating disease: the loved ones of the depressed. If someone you love is depressed, you undoubtedly recognize that the depression has placed some new burdens on you; however you may be affected in more ways than you realize. Research shows that if you are close to a depressed person, you are at a much higher risk of developing problems yourself, including anxiety, phobias, and even a kind of contagious depression. Yet, too often, those of us who care about a depressed person are so focused on their needs that we don't realize that we might need help. There is startling evidence that marriages in which one person is depressed are nine times more likely to end in divorce; that children with a depressed parent are at an increased risk for a range of adjustment difficulties; and that if you are caring for an elderly depressed parent, your physical and mental health are likely to suffer.
Depression is also notorious for causing increased misunderstandings and sexual problems in intimate relationships. Laura Rosen and Xavier Amador, psychologists with expertise in treating the secondary victims of depression, explain the mechanisms of depression that can cause communication breakdown, increase hostility, and ultimately destroy relationships. Rather than just explaining these secondary effects of depression, the authors teach you concrete methods that you and your loved one can use to protect yourselves and your relationship from depression's impact.

Laura Epstein Rosen, Ph.D. is Supervisor of Family Therapy Training at the Special Needs Clinic of Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center in New York.