When Your Teenager Stops Talking: How Do You Learn What's Going On?

This excerpt from the revised and updated edition of Teenagers & Parents: 12 Steps to a Better Relationship by award-winning author Dr. Roger McIntire focuses on communication at the moment a parent hears "Mom [Dad], can we talk?" Listening skills are not always natural skills for parents. Examples include everyday parent-teen conversations that go awry and how to get them back on track. The book is approved by the Parents' Choice Foundation.

This practical guide for parents is written from the point of view of a behavior analyst with numerous examples and conversations of family life from the author's counseling experiences and home life with three daughters. Questions and solutions raised in this book come from both parents and teens who were clients, regular readers of my column, or website visitors. Common quesitons from the kids were reported by the parents: "Can we talk," "Can I quit school?" "What birth control is best." Parental questions range from "How can I deal with her tantrums?" "What about his computer addiction, her Facebook obsession, and their questions about alcohol, drugs, and sex?"

Many parents have called Dr. McIntire's books "life-savers" in helping them build better relationships with their children. His books are published worldwide in eight other languages and receive excellent reviews.

Dr. McIntire is professor emeritus of psychology (ret.) at the University of Maryland. He served 32 years as teacher, associate dean of undergraduates and research director.

Sections in this excerpt include: "What are you saying about me?" "Careful when teaching lessons and fixing blame." "Beware of arguments for entertainment's sake." "One-ups and put-downs of Shortcut parenting." "I always felt I was not good enough."

About Raising Your Teenager: "Raising Your Teenager is a useful resource for any parent feeling they are in over their head with their teen." - Small Press Bookwatch. Oct. 2010 "The book takes the principles of behavior analysis that have been demonstrated repeatedly. . .and applies them to everyday circumstances to illustrate how parents can make present family interactions fruitful, pleasant, and constructive." The Current Repertoire, Spring 2010. ..".chapter I liked the most is 'Loving and Liking your kids'....this book does a very thorough job of tackling most subjects that are important to our kids....I was refreshed to see someone who had put all of this information into one book and is making it available for parents to access." - Chris Goforth, bookdads.com. July 18, 2010. "The book was filled with so many valuable resources, and the chapters are so easy to read. Each section was filled with nuggets that any parent would be glad to have in their metaphorical toolbelt." - Dad of Divas Reviews. 11/11/2010. "Immensely helpful and easy to read, with lots of cross-cultural relevance." - Dr. Lucy Y. Steihnitz, Regional Technical Advisor for Children and Families (Africa). Spring 2010. "Raising Your Teenager is an invaluable guidebook-whether you are a first-time pre-teen parent or a veteran." - Wendy Summer, Licensed Professional Counselor, National Certified Counselor. Spring 2010 About Enjoy Successful Parenting: Practical Strategies for Parents of Children 2-12: "Outstanding." - Parent Council, Ltd. "[McIntire] learned his lessons well and passes along his knowledge in a lively and readable book...filled with practical answers for all the common problems." - Bookviews. About Raising Good Kids in Tough Times (Also published in Korea and Thailand): "These are the habits parents need for confidence and the ones that can help in moments of trouble." - Dr. Donald Pumroy, Founder of Assn for Behavior Change; Prof. Emeritus, Univ. of MD. About Teenagers & Parents: 10 Steps for a Better Relationship (Also published in Brazil, Germany, Korea, Poland, Serbia, Slovenia.) "Reassuring and enjoyable." - La Leche League "It helps guide parents to avoid the slammed doors and sulks [by using] techniques that work with teens." - Southern Illinoisan "Well-written, easily understood practical handbook..." - Kentucky School Counselor Assn.