The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others

Rescuing others, losing yourself.

Are you a white knight? Are you attracted to needy, damaged, or helpless people? Do you feel like your love can heal your partner? Are you overly involved in your partner's problems? Are you hungry for constant reassurance in relationships? Do you make excuses for your partner? Do you try to "save" people from themselves?

In legends and fairytales, the white knight rescues the damsel in distress, falls in love, and saves the day. Real-life white knights are men and women who enter into romantic relationships with damaged and vulnerable partners, hoping that love will transform their partner's behavior or life-a relationship pattern that seldom leads to a storybook ending.

If this dynamic sounds familiar to you, you may be a white knight; hoping to receive admiration, validation, or love from your partners, but managing only to cheat yourself out of emotionally healthy relationships. It's time to come to your own rescue, and this book can help.

With well-written analysis, engaging insight, and salient case studies, The White Knight Syndrome is a much-needed and well-executed guide to understanding and resolving the white knight syndrome in yourself.

Do you find yourself attracted to people who are helpless, vulnerable, or damaged, or feel like you always end up taking care of your romantic partners? If you fall into this relationship pattern, you're likely a "white knight"-a person who tends to seek out partners who need rescuing. White knights hope to receive admiration, validation, or love from their partners, but ultimately end up cheating themselves out of emotionally healthy relationships.

Ready to come to your own rescue? The White Knight Syndrome will help you:

• Discover why you attract or seek out needy or damaged partners
• Find out what type of white knight you are
• Recognize the unhealthy ways you try to meet your partner's needs while ignoring your own
• Channel your energies into building balanced, healthy relationships

"Lamia and Krieger have hit the nail on the head by identifying a major problem in contemporary relationships-the compulsive need to rescue. Their book, The White Knight Syndrome, clearly articulates the dynamics of this all-too-common pattern. This book is an outstanding resource and a must-read for every compulsive rescuer, as well as for mental health students and professionals."
-Ronald F. Levant, Ed.D., past president of the American Psychological Association and professor of psychology at Buchtel College of Arts and Sciences at the University of Akron in Akron, OH

"This book is aimed at anyone who recognizes that the white knight syndrome may explain feelings of betrayal, anger, or guilt. Because the book does such a good job with explaining the complex emotional lives of rescuers, it can be a great resource for therapists as well as clients."
-Michael J. Garanzini, S.J., Ph.D., president of Loyola University in Chicago, IL, and author of Child-Centered Schools and The Attachment Cycle

"The authors of The White Knight Syndrome are experienced and insightful clinicians. Building on their extensive professional work as psychotherapists, they have delivered a compelling, concise, and highly useful delineation of a repetitive but maladaptive pattern of needing to compulsively rescue others. Moreover, they show how to move forward in life to an adaptive pattern they call a balanced rescuer: a person who cares, preserves intimacy, and also develops even more self-esteem. I enthusiastically recommend this outstanding book."
-Mardi Horowitz, MD, president of the San Francisco Center for Psychoanalysis, professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco, and author of A Course in Happiness

"The White Knight Syndrome is unique among psychology books because it is so well-written. The case descriptions are engaging, and the 'Thinking About It' sections brilliantly incorporate the reader's experience into the dialogue so that the material presented becomes personally relevant. The White Knight Syndrome is a great piece of work."
-Sylvia Boorstein, Ph.D., psychotherapist and founding teacher and Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, CA, author of It's Easier Than You Think and Happiness Is an Inside Job