Be Who You Are to Get What You Want: A New Way to Negotiate for Anyone Who's Ever Been Underestimated

Previously published as Negotiating While Black

Winner of the 2024 “Most Useful” Book by the Non-Obvious Book Awards
Winner of the 2024 "Best Self-Help" Award by the African American Literary Awards

A real-world, one-of-a-kind resource for anyone who has ever been underestimated, overlooked, or misunderstood at the negotiating table.

There’s no shortage of negotiation books that advise you to “get to yes,” urge you to “never split the difference,” and tell you to “ask for more.” But one-size-fits-all tactics don't work in our complex, multifaceted, multicultural world—because they overlook the unpredictable role bias plays in most negotiations.

Luckily, the one constant you can count on in every negotiation is yourself...and when you learn to leverage who you are to your advantage, you can win every time.

Be Who You Are to Get What You Want is the book lawyer and mediator Damali Peterman wishes had existed when faced with the kind of situations that other negotiation scripts just don't consider, like navigating workplaces as the only Black woman or advocating for her son in his predominantly white classroom. Drawing on decades of training and experience as a negotiator in high-stakes situations, Peterman has developed successful strategies—like the Foundational Five skills all negotiators need and the Negotiation Superpowers that will lift you to the next level. In the process, she takes readers out of the boardroom and into real life, showing that even in the most difficult negotiation everything is potentially up for discussion, even when stakes (and emotions) are high. Using real life examples, sample scripts, and her negotiation tool kit, Peterman guides you to lean into what makes you unique—and discover how it will help your negotiations in surprising, successful ways. Because when you show up prepared and proud of who you are, you'll reap the rewards.

Damali Peterman is a highly regarded and sought-after lawyer, mediator, negotiator, educator, and speaker with nearly twenty years of experience in the alternative dispute resolution field. She is the founder and CEO of two successful, award-winning companies—Breakthrough ADR and Damali Law. Peterman currently lives outside of New York City with her husband, two young sons, and their dog.