'Why' "How are you"

Does small talk feel like trying to decipher a secret code? You’re not alone.
What if the hardest part of conversation isn’t talking—but decoding the invisible rules everyone else seems to know? For many autistic and neurodivergent people, everyday conversations can feel like following a script that everyone else received—except you. With warmth, humour, and real-life examples, this book explores why small talk, hidden meanings, and unwritten social rules can be so confusing, and how clearer communication benefits everyone.
For many autistic and neurodivergent people, a simple "How are you?" can feel like an improv theatre trap with no script and unclear scoring criteria. But what if the problem isn't your communication, but the rules of the game itself?
In 'Why' "How are you" Is Somehow The Hardest Question Ever Asked, special needs teacher Maritha de Kock offers a warm, witty, and deeply insightful look into the confusing art of being social. Drawing from decades of experience and personal understanding, she demystifies the hidden rules of small talk, explaining why neurotypical rituals often feel like a foreign language.
This is not a book about "fixing" autistic people. Instead, it is a celebration of neurodiversity and a practical guide to making conversations less exhausting and more meaningful for everyone.
Inside this book, you will discover:
Why questions like "How are you?" are rarely about exchanging information. The hidden social rules that nobody explains (but everyone expects you to know). Why neurodivergent people are excellent conversationalists—just in a different format. Practical, neurodiverse-friendly alternatives to standard small talk. How to connect with autistic children by asking the right questions.
Perfect for autistic adults, those who love them, and anyone who has ever been told they're “Overthinking it," this book provides the manual you've been missing. It’s time to replace the confusion with clarity, patience, and a little more humor—and ideally, fewer conversations about the weather.