Unfortunately, a divorce is akin to a war; one does not go to battle without being sufficiently prepared and without considering every strategy prior to engagement. In Winning Divorce Strategies, author and attorney Brian D. Perskin details the tactics his firm has learned and the mistakes he's seen in divorce cases with the with the goal of maximizing your happiness and ensuring you achieve the best possible outcome. From filing for divorce through the trial, Winning Divorce Strategies provides guidance to help you avoid the pitfalls of divorce and to help you prepare a game plan to take control of your divorce. It provides information on: choosing a lawyer; deciding to litigate ornegotiate; recognizing the opposition; filing and serving papers; being prepared; making financial decisions; winning custody strategies; and negotiating a win-win settlement. Through experience gained from real-life situations, Perskin shares the divorce secrets he has discovered and details the tactics that have been designed to ensure you are in the best possible position throughout the case.
WINNING DIVORCE STRATEGIES
Intelligent and Aggressive Representation for Every Person Going through Divorce or Custody Proceedings in the State of New YorkBy Brian D. PerskiniUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2013 Brian D. Perskin, Esq.
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4759-5684-9Contents
Anatomy of a Divorce...................................................................xiiiIntroduction...........................................................................xvChapter 1: Winning Divorce Strategies..................................................1Chapter 2: Divorce Considerations......................................................7Chapter 3: The Divorce Process.........................................................11Chapter 4: Recognizing the Opposition..................................................17Chapter 5: Winning Custody Strategies..................................................21Chapter 6: Engaging the Services of Professionals in Custody Cases.....................29Chapter 7: Winning Financial Strategies................................................33Chapter 8: Forensic Examination in Financial Matters...................................41Chapter 9: Winning Maintenance Strategies..............................................45Chapter 10: Negotiating a Win-Win Settlement...........................................49Chapter 11: Divorce Tactics to Watch For...............................................55Chapter 12: Winning Strategies That Are Not Talked About...............................59Conclusion.............................................................................65Appendix A: Common Divorce Questions and Answers.......................................67Appendix B: Income & Asset Analysis Checklist..........................................83Appendix C: Glossary...................................................................87Appendix D: List of County Clerk's Offices.............................................93Index..................................................................................105
Chapter One
Winning Divorce StrategiesCrafting a Winning Divorce Strategy
When clients come into our office, they are all essentiallyasking us what they should do. Every day, my team andI speak with all different types of people about what todo in their particular case, and day in and day out, we encounterthe same mistakes made by individuals and other attorneys that areeasily avoidable had they been more familiar with the court system.Unfortunately, a divorce is akin to a war; one does not go to battlewithout being sufficiently prepared and without considering everystrategy prior to engagement. This book will detail the tactics wehave learned and the mistakes that we have seen that you will wishto avoid with the goal of maximizing your happiness and ensuringthat you achieve the best possible outcome.
The Essentials of a Personalized Winning DivorceStrategy from the First Meeting
Anyone who contacts my office is told that he or she must firstmeet with one of our attorneys for a consultation in person. Unlikeother lawyers, we firmly believe in a lengthy introductory meeting,wherein you as the client will detail the status of your case and howwe can help you. Speaking and listening to each person provides uswith the information we need to devise a strategy specific to eachclient. This meeting is not a sales pitch; instead, it serves as a vehiclefor us to learn about you and the means by which we may help you. Ifyou choose to hire our firm, this meeting is essential to guaranteeingthat your case is on its proper course. In certain instances, this maymean working toward a settlement through a formal offer, whileother situations may require the filing of a suit in court to safeguardthat person's best interests. The initial consultation is thereforeessential and requires a client who is upfront and open to discussstrategy.
In deciding which lawyer to hire, pay attention to the questionsthat are asked during your initial consultation, and make sure thatat that initial meeting you are getting advice. When clients comeinto our office, we first need to get a basic overview of the case.We need to know: names, ages of the parties, ages of the children,employment history, a list of assets – both separate and marital, theparties' present living situation, the general demeanor and attitudesof their spouse, and a general schedule of the children's routine,including who primarily does homework with the children, whoattends doctor appointments, and who attends parent-teacherconferences. We also need to know if there is a history of violence,including confrontations in front of the children, and who controlsthe family's finances. Once we have this information, our nextquestion is always: "What do you want?"
You should only choose a lawyer who is willing to litigateto achieve the results that you want. If a client tells us what s/heultimately hopes to achieve and we determine this unreasonable, wepolitely apologize and inform that individual that our firm cannotbe of assistance.
Where the Case Will Go After the First Meeting
Almost any competent lawyer can figure out how to file divorcepapers in New York, but a divorce lawyer is more than a paperpusher. A divorce lawyer is your counselor and your chief strategist.Strategy is not taught in law school and can only be developed over along career and through proper training; your divorce lawyer shouldnot only be familiar with how to file the necessary paperwork andthe proper relief to request in a New York Court, but should alsobe able to strategize the perfect time to file for divorce or the rightmotion to apply for seeking immediate relief. Your divorce lawyershould look at both the short- and long-term strategies.
A week does not go by where we are not amazed at the ignoranceof certain attorneys who blindly give out advice or file suit withoutany hint of strategy or any knowledge of the facts of that client'scase. These lawyers either file for divorce in cases where their clientshould clearly have waited, or they ask for relief from the Courtthat has little to do with the actual situation the parties face. Whatmany divorce lawyers do not understand is that the court system isan ever-evolving one; for example, the way that papers were filedseveral years ago is completely different today. Every individual whois going through a divorce needs a lawyer who regularly practicesand shows up to court in front of the same judges. This ensuresthat you have a lawyer who is up-to-date with the current legalprocedures, court processes, and the different personalities of judgesthat may preside over your case.
Do not choose a lawyer that simply tells you what you wantto hear. Choose a lawyer who has the courage to tell you the truthabout your case, even if the truth is contrary to what you wantedor expected to hear. Once you hear the truth about the actual lawapplied to the facts of your case, and not a sugar-coated versionof what might happen in a perfect world, you can make the bestdecision for you and your family. Do not think about your case aswinning or losing; instead, think about how to best achieve yourgoals, given your specific set of facts. Every case is different, andhiring a lawyer that treats every case the same will lead to yourdissatisfaction with the outcome of your case. If you want generaladvice that is given to everyone without any examination of thefacts of your case, you can receive free generic information on thecourt system's website.
Be Prepared to Litigate orWaste Your Money Negotiating
After our initial meeting, there are a number of avenues thatyou may pursue. It is essential to remember that every case has abeginning, middle, and end. If appropriate to the circumstances,we will urge clients to immediately file for divorce, thereby puttingpressure on your spouse to either settle or litigate.
Generally, my team and I are willing to attempt to settle for 30days before involving the courts. If this fails, we will often file suit.Delaying your case through endless negotiation with your spouse willonly cost you money and will lead to little progress. Too much timeis wasted by lawyers trying to negotiate a settlement out of court. Ifsettlement cannot be accomplished within 30 days, forget about it.While both you and your spouse may want to settle, without a judgeacting as the referee, most lawyers simply tell clients what they wantto hear. Consequently, the case goes nowhere. Our experience hasshown us that cases settle quicker if the Court becomes involved.
Familiarity with the court system is therefore essential in craftinga highly efficient divorce strategy, which may then be tailored tothe particular judge who is assigned to your case. For example, theassigned judge may be particularly unsympathetic towards fatherswith regard to the matter of custody, thereby requiring a strategythat changes the conversation to decision-making and access. On theother hand, some judges may favor fathers, allowing your strategyto focus more on the mother's negative attributes to build your case.Familiarity with the judges in each county is essential.
Following the filing of the initial paperwork with the Courtand the service of process of these documents, your case will bescheduled for a Preliminary Conference, which serves as anintroductory vehicle between the Court and the litigants andestablishes a roadmap by which your divorce will proceed. Priorto the Preliminary Conference, a Statement of Net Worth must beprepared, listing your assets, expenses, liabilities, and income andrequires the production of your tax returns, W-2 forms, and 1099forms. At the Preliminary Conference, the Court will determinewhat has been resolved and the remaining outstanding issues andwill then set up a timeline by which the exchange of financialdocumentation will occur.
Judges commonly tell you how they think they are going torule almost from the outset, including giving a speech at the firstappearance stating how much time and money this will cost youand who is going to have primary custody of the children. Do notbe put-off: this is done to scare you in an effort to force you to settle.At this point, the judge does not have all of the facts, evidence, andinformation available; the only time a judge has all of the facts isafter a trial. It is always essential to follow the strategy set by yourattorney from the initial stages to the final trial if necessary.
Ultimately, if your matter is not resolved, you will appear forcompliance conferences and a pre-trial conference until the Courteventually schedules your case for trial.
The Importance of Having aLawyer Who is Prepared to go to Court
It is crucial to engage the services of a divorce attorney thatis not afraid to litigate in court. This is an absolute MUST as thecourtroom is a critical bargaining venue. If you have a lawyer that isunprepared to appear before a judge, you maintain little bargainingpower. Even further, a lawyer must be prepared to stand up to ajudge and fight back to protect your best interests. If you wanted a"yes-man," you could appear without representation; acquiescing toa judge's demands or those of your spouse's lawyer does not requirea law degree.
The Power of Knowing the Other Side
Aside from an overall strategy and familiarity with the courtsystem, your lawyer must have a good understanding of opposingcounsel and any other individuals that may be associated withyour case, including an attorney for your children or any forensicevaluators. A lawyer who knows all of the other players will bewell-informed and will be able to factor their roles into your overallplan.
Given what is at stake, an ambush by opposing counsel witha tactic that you were completely unprepared for is unacceptable.Therefore, your strategy will also depend on your spouse's attorneyand your spouse. Knowing who the other party is that you areopposing will determine the rules of engagement and the foundationof your winning divorce strategy.
Be Prepared
As stated at the outset of this book, your divorce must be treatedseriously and often presents itself as a zero-sum game: if you areunprepared and have not crafted a strategy that best protects yourinterests, you will likely suffer. This book is designed to assist youthrough various tactics and through real-life examples my team andI have encountered to best ensure that you are successful personallyand financially.
Chapter Two
Divorce ConsiderationsAll relationships may be considered turbulent and emotionalat times, but if you are consistently having more downs thanups, you may be looking at divorce as an appealing option. Ifyou are unable to get the idea of filing for divorce out of your head,you need to truly think about the consequences of this decision.
How to Tell Your Spouse
You will probably not blindside your spouse with the news thatyou want a divorce, unless he or she has not been paying attentionto your recent problems. For this reason, we advise potential clientsto hire a divorce attorney before telling your spouse; being the firstto file may provide you with an advantage.
Your Spouse's Response
It is impossible to know how someone will respond to the newsof divorce. An angry or surprised spouse may react in one or moreof the following ways:
• Complete silence
• A request for an explanation
• A quick exit to go think alone
• Various threats
If your spouse reacts with a threat, it will often involve moneyor your children. For example, your spouse might swear that youwill never get maintenance or any of your shared assets. After 22years of practicing law, I have trained my team to know how tocontinue moving the case forward so that your spouse's threatsdo not work. The uncooperative spouse could even get into legaltrouble for using stall tactics, so rest assured that this approach willnot work for him or her.
If you have kids, your spouse will likely threaten that you willnever see them, even if you are currently the primary caregiver.Fortunately, your spouse would be wrong in most cases. Most courtsfrown on parents using their kids to gain an advantage, and thistype of threat will likely reduce your spouse's chances of obtainingcustody. Most judges want to help both parents to be involved intheir children's lives, which means that as long as you can providea safe, loving home for your child, you still have a chance forcustody.
Are You Afraid to Leave Your Spouse?
If your partner has made you afraid to get a divorce, it isimportant to let your attorney know before you inform your spouseof your decision. We have helped many terrified spouses escape adangerous environment. Your attorney can help you obtain an Orderof Protection to ensure your safety and that of your children.
Get Help Notifying Others of Your Divorce
One of the most difficult aspects of the divorce process is figuringout how to inform others. If you are worried about how friends andfamily members will react, remember that they will likely supportyou in your time of need.
If you are not sure how to tell everyone, know that you areadvised to notify others in a way that seems fitting. When it comesto your best friends and family members, a phone call or in-personchat might be the most personal approach. Once you are ready to letothers know, you might consider easier, faster ways, such as throughtext messages and status updates on social media sites. However, donot make any written or publicly derogatory comments about yourspouse.
Telling Your Kids
Telling your children is likely what you may dread most. If youhave been delaying, realize that having your kids find out from otherpeople is far more damaging than any approach you might take. Asmajor decisions are being made, such as one parent moving out,you need to let your kids know as soon as possible. Letting them beblindsided when their mother or father moves out is not advisable.
Many couples choose to have a family meeting to discussdivorce. If you choose this approach, you and your spouse shouldschedule a date and time to gather your kids into one room athome. Make sure you have their full attention as you announce thedivorce, and keep in mind how they are feeling. Let them know theymay ask anything they need to in order to better understand what ishappening. However, this approach is not advisable if you and yourspouse are unable to be together without bickering or blaming.
Some children handle the news better than others. But be awarethat even if your children seem like they are fine, they may beginstruggling in school or while socializing. Many children are notgreat at communicating their feelings, so their negative emotionsmay manifest in other ways.
Continues...
Excerpted from WINNING DIVORCE STRATEGIESby Brian D. Perskin Copyright © 2013 by Brian D. Perskin, Esq.. Excerpted by permission.
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