CHAPTER 1
Practice Improves Everything, So Watch What You Practice
One of my favorite proverbs is "Everything Improves with Practice, so Watch What you Practice." I like to remind myself of this often, especially when faced with the need to develop new skills and ways of thinking. This also applies when I need to avoid the strengthening of counterproductive skills and ways of thinking.
I remember that who and how I am are a function of what I have practiced all my life and that any change will require different practice.
This is particularly relevant at work, as most of my life's practice occurs there. In this practice, I practice patience, knowing that most of my present practices have been in place for twenty years or more, and that change could take just as long, especially when dealing with my thinking, the root of all my actions. In this practice, I fail often, but I also recommit and persist, knowing that flawed practice toward who I want to be is better than perfect practice in being who I do not want to be.
Another relevant proverb is "Every Moment, we Practice Something. "This proverb reminds us that whatever we are practicing, we are getting good at it, and will eventually be experts. To this end, we all have to ask what we want to be expert at. Some of us have, through long years of practice, become expert at fear, anger, discouragement, vengeance, procrastination, defensiveness, not taking responsibility, not taking prudent risk, and so on.
We become so expert that we start to think that these characteristics are native to our character and that they cannot be changed. Often, we even become blind to these practices.
Given this tendency in ourselves, we would do well to: 1) become more mindful of who and how we are being, and 2) change our practices in ways that begin to reshape our habit expertise.
Years ago, after doing much damage in my personal and professional relationships, I realized I needed to be more forgiving and less sarcastic, among other things. While not a perfect practitioner of forgiveness and non-sarcasm, I am more so today because of nearly ten years of mindful practice to that end. The same goes for positive thinking, courage, self-encouragement, risk taking, and so on. These are all things I realize I need to become more expert at for my own personal and professional success.
As I have watched my practice over the years, I am happy to say that I have seen the positive result of this practice in my personality, personal relationships, and my impact at work and elsewhere.
This mindful, deliberate practice is difficult and not for the immediately gratified. It is much easier to go through life mindlessly practicing what has been modeled for us by family, friends, professional colleagues, and the media. That said, we should consider that the productivity, peace, and success of ourselves, families, communities, and the world rely upon our practice, for better or for worse.
CHAPTER 2
On a Horse Looking for a Horse
Often in my interactions with clients, I find a disposition of "I have nothing." When I engage them in a "what do you have" discussion, we always find that they have more experience, relationships, knowledge, skill, and education than they acknowledge. This is what I call the "On a Horse Looking for a Horse" mind-set. It is typified by the image of people in the wilderness wishing they had a horse to get them to their destination, all the while discounting the horse they are sitting on. They either fail to acknowledge the horse they have, or they starve that horse and then wonder why it is not taking them anywhere.
Once I came across a quote in my Zen Page-A-Day Calendar by John Burroughs. It said, "The lesson which life repeats and constantly enforces is look under foot." You are always nearer the divine and the true sources of your power than you think. The lure of the distant and difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are. Do not despise your own place and hour. Every place is under the stars, every place of the world."
Inventory, today, the horses you are on that you have not acknowledged or are starving.
• Is it a (work or volunteer) project that you are giving less than your full resourcefulness to?
• Is it a phone book that could be better analyzed and networked with?
• Is it an education that needs enlivening through personal research and study?
• Is it a job role that you should go after, if only to learn what you need to do to qualify for it?
• Is it a 168-hour weekly schedule (which we all have) that neglects your most important priorities in sacrifice to the priorities of others?
• Is it a purpose that you feel (or once felt) in your heart and soul that you have neglected to the damage of your own heart and soul?
• Is it a relationship that is out of sorts, which you know can be set right with a dose of courage, candor, and authenticity?
Whatever horse it is, resolve to cherish and feed it moving forward so that it can get you to where you want to go. Also, remember that there is no better horse than the one you are sitting on and that life is not likely to give you a better horse until you have learned how to ride the one you have. And, of course, if you find you need riding lessons, drop me a note, and we can strategize about that.
CHAPTER 3
Opportunity: Who's Pursuing Whom? It or You?
While doing research for this book on the social network LinkedIn, I came across the question "How do you pursue opportunity?" I was unable to resist answering and added the comment "I believe opportunity pursues me."
As I pondered my reply, it occurred to me that over time I have transitioned from a scarcity mind-set, which dictates that opportunity must be pursued, toward an abundance mind-set, which dictates the opposite.
I believe that opportunity pursues me and my job is to choose which opportunities I will allow to catch me.
The cultivated attitudes of abundance and gratitude have reframed my world in a way that I see opportunity all around me all the time. Opportunities to learn and teach, to serve and graciously receive, to earn and contribute, to live well and responsibly prepare for death, to laugh, and when appropriate, to cry.
To counterpoint, some people might say that they do not have as many opportunities available to them as others, and that would be true. I do not have as many opportunities available to me as some others also. That said, I can do far more with the change in my own pockets than with the billions in Fort Knox, which are not available to me.
My point is that whatever opportunities are available to me, however few, I do better to let them catch and use me for good, than to run from them so they catch someone else instead.
The advice I would give to anyone who thinks he or she has too few opportunities is to let the few opportunities you have catch and prepare you for the larger and greater opportunities you want.
To be more concrete:
• If you want to get a better education, take advantage of the opportunity to expose yourself to the subjects you want to be expert in and connect with people who are better educated in the ways that you aspire to be. (Online courses and social media make this easier than ever.).
• If you want a better occupation, serve and volunteer in ways that allow you to start developing the skills, experience, and contacts that qualify you for that occupation.
• If you want better relationships, commit to training yourself to be a better relater and do the painful, uncomfortable, and frightening work of diversifying the company you keep so you have more instances of good and different relationships over time, as you and the company you keep change over time.
• I could go on, but you see my point. I hope you can begin to understand that opportunity is always pursuing, but we are often too picky or fearful to allow ourselves to be caught.
May we be caught and used by every good opportunity available to us today and every day.
CHAPTER 4
If I Am Humble, I Cannot Be Overcome
One of my favorite sayings ever is: "If I am humble, I cannot be overcome."
For a number of years now, this saying has sustained me in situations where I have felt unfairly treated and tempted to be prideful, defensive, and resentful. In those situations, this saying has reminded me that my ability to handle myself well is helped or harmed by the degree of pride or humility I bring to each situation.
Pride tends to cloud my perspective. Humility tends to give clarity. I find that humility is, in effect, an antidote for undue pride and defensiveness.
When I am humble, I am able to, at worst, see the logic in difficult and unfair situations, and at best, see the lesson for my own development in the inflicted unfairness. Humility (not humiliation, by the way) gives me the ability to benefit from the lesson while letting go of the pain the lesson inflicts. It is in this learning and letting go that I overcome (or benefit) in every difficult and unfair situation that life gives me.
Humility has saved me in situations where extreme pride would have destroyed me. I see, on reflection, that humility offered me several advantages, namely:
1. The ability to accept my blind-spots, which were being pointed out by others.
2. The ability to admit to myself, and others, where I was mistaken and needed development.
3. The ability to offer compassion and forgiveness to the fallibility in myself and others.
4. The ability to be grateful, graceful, and hopeful in difficult, complex, and seemingly unfair circumstances.
These advantages have allowed me to gain clarity in confusing situations, to rebuild damaged relationships, to reshape distorted perceptions, and to get derailed endeavors back on track. The more I practice with humility, the more I am convinced that it is a key to many seemingly insurmountable problems and barriers.
This is an invaluable insight as I face more and more seemingly insurmountable problems and barriers, for myself and in others, as a function of my growth as a team member, manager, leader and coach.
Remember, if we are humble, we cannot be overcome!
CHAPTER 5
Everything Comes to Pass
I first heard this interesting double entendre during a Buddhist lecture on impermanence. On further research, I found it is attributable in its entirety to Matthew Flickstein in his book Journey to the Center:
"Everything comes to pass; nothing comes to stay."
This saying always struck me funny for its two-part meaning. First, everything comes to pass that is meant for us, and second, everything comes to pass (away) and will not stay forever.
I have pondered this a fair amount lately as it reminds me to enjoy everything I have because one day I will lose it. My position, my possessions, my relationships, my health, and eventually my life will all pass away and be lost to me. This is not something to fret over, but to use as an impetus for cherishing everything, and not taking anything for granted.
Being human, loss is painful to me, particularly when I have lost what I worked to acquire. I am prone to anxiously fret, to take loss personally, and to become conservative and cautious. Clear seeing and remembrance of this proverb remind me that the energy of anxious fretting, taking it personally, and extreme conservatism is better converted to mindful appreciation and conscious enjoyment of everything today, because tomorrow all these things will pass away (and my worrying and fretting will not delay this inevitability).
I find that it is better to welcome and cherish the things that newly come to me (as change) than to mourn too long over those things that pass away, whether they were pleasurable or painful. It is easier to do this if I have truly cherished, savored, and enjoyed what I had when I had it.
If I spent the time of possession despising the responsibility of having it, then I am more regretful when it passes away, because I realize I have lost an opportunity. I will also add that we should not procrastinate in enjoying what has come to us because we never know how long we will have it.
This insight in hand (heart and mind), let's resolve to give up the delusion that everything (or for that matter, anything) comes to stay, and instead set our energy to enjoying everything while we have it and before it is lost to us.
CHAPTER 6
The Power of "Yet"
I have discovered the word yet is an inspiring and hopeful word. In my coaching, it is quite common that I hear regretful declarations of projects and tasks not done, people not related to, jobs and promotions not obtained, and so on.
Increasingly when I hear these declarations uttered, I verbally tack on the word yet to the statement just made. When I do this, the person making the statement usually blinks in confusion, then recognition, as these three letters instantly transform his or her perception from regret to possibility.
You see, yet opens up the back end of any final declaration, transforming its meaning to a non-final possibility. If I say, "I did not succeed in [you fill in the blank]," that can always be changed to, "I did not succeed yet," meaning that I still may. The fact that I still may, reenergizes the possibility that if we persevere, plan, and persist, success is still a possibility.
When tempted to declare an endeavor final, remember that it may yet be.
