CHAPTER 1

I HAVE DREAMED

In my words I give of myself. Revealing in words, all myhates and fears telling of my hopes, and have shed afew tears. In my written words spoken by expressing mytrue and hidden self. I have written and many words, andthen I have filled countless pages. With all my words,along with my dreams, are placed on this paper onlywanting to share. Yet are the words real enough, to makeyou feel you want to turn the next few pages? Hoping a fewwill take the time to read, and then too understand how I felt,then knowing that I did care. Words are in truth. Just words;yet they are all we have to explore the depths of our feelings.To lead and guide each other through out, the many trails oflife. Sometimes simple words are all we have. It is Just thosesimple words, that express what we see, What we think evenwhat we fell.

Words expressing love and Joy, words bringing forththe fear and hatred many so often feel. With a written orspoken word, and sometimes words are all we have.

I write these words hoping someone will understand,that the words were written for them, that not just for me,were these words written, but for someone, someone veryspecial. They were written for one and all, all those whichlove to read, searching the lines for some special meaning.thinking that maybe for them only, were the words written.

Bringing forth a little hope, or to save a tear,just for them are my words gladly given? Life does nothave to be lived in fear. When the words move you, laughout loud or shed a tear. Feel the words with a knowingexperience, and then learn to be of good cheer.

04/13/83

    HORNY THOUGHTS

    These dreams I have.
    When it's been too long.
    I get to feeling down, low down sad.
    With no lady to love on or to belong.

    You must know.
    That those horny thoughts.
    They are what make me go hunting.
    Hunting sweet touch-me-nots.

    Those sweet young things.
    Saying touch me, if you dare.
    With horny thoughts do you dare?
    To touch pretty playthings, then by chance
    Hoping of finding a love to share.

    I cannot help these thoughts.
    I would not if I could.
    It's it is you that is making me this way.
    So let us go to bed where we can laugh
    then play, play the whole night away

    Love truly given, freely given one to the other
    Shared only between ourselves.
    Honest and gentle, A gift freely given to each other.

    To play to be played with, in tender pleasures
    Pretty girls you set my soul afire.
    Let me in, that I might taste the heat of your desire.
    Moving together we share our pleasures.

    To satisfy my lover in ecstasy.
    is deeply satisfying for me, to see her before my eyes.

    to see that misty look that tells me, that she's been satisfied
    in loves perfect ecstasy.

    Circa. 1983


    THE GIRLS IN THE PARK

    To begin this story.
    I must fondly remember.
    That one beautiful day.
    It had been a warm sparkling day.

    To meet to say.
    "I think I love you".
    Or maybe I could.
    If maybe you would.
    That's for you to say.

    But now to see you.
    For the first time.
    To talk with you.
    With hopes of loving you.
    For the first time.

    Yet for too many.
    Love or maybe lust.
    Is not shared for the first time.
    For they love yet do not trust.
    Not truly for the first time.

    Is it we need? or is it lust?
    Is it we love? or is it trust?

    For the first time.
    I saw you there, you in my life.
    I did need, I saw you there.

    My love for you.
    I wanted to share, I wanted you
    I needed you then, there
    I wanted you only you.

    For the first time.
    My love for you.
    You did lead on.
    without thought or care

    Till only for you.
    I did hunger, needing only you
    For the first time.
    Although in truth, yes I did love you.

    Always thought you cared.
    Best of all you showed me love
    You took the time to care.
    You loved me, for the first time.


    I AM

    Why without good reason.
    Do so many people cry?
    For something to believe in.
    Yes to truly, truly believe in.
    The man that I am.
    He strives for something.
    In his play, or in his prayer.
    He strives to stand, saying, "I am"!
    I am this lonely creature.
    Who needs, one who wants.
    Yet seldom knows what he's found.
    Man alone, stands a lonely creature.
    Needing a truth or something.
    To love or care for
    To live or die for.
    In prayer or just standing to say "I am"!
    Who are we to question this desire?
    We need, we want.
    A consuming tireless search.
    Till our desires be found.
    We reach to grasp to hold.
    Thinking our desires truly found.
    An endless search beyond all reason.

    Yet questions insecurely what we hold.
    Yet so very unsure so very insecure
    That time quickly takes you down takes me low
    He needs we to reach.
    For something to hold to and grasp, to stand and feel his
    desires secure.

    He stands proudly saying, "I am"! "My desires are fulfilled,
    I am"! "A man good and bad, I am"! "So proudly I stand to
    shout out to say
    "I am"!

    3/20/83


    A TOUCH OF LIGHT

    The Light it shines.
    upon a faceless mind.
    There is nothing so unkind.
    As a star filled mind.

    Eyes that cannot see.
    A light so great it blinds.
    With but a moments touch.
    All life behind and before us is seen.

    The heavens are such.
    That all time can be seen.
    All yesterday and our tomorrows.
    And all that's in between.

    The secrets of all life.
    Revealed to all mankind.
    It's in the light of heaven.
    Look if you can.

    To feel the power of that light.
    Glorified in such an intensity.
    A sight so undeniable, yet
    acknowledge in its absolute purity.

    The truth delivered in keys.
    So simple yet undeniable.
    Is the purity, of pure truth.
    although it has its fee.

    To think and then to understand.
    Then sharing your knowledge
    To believe to the end, what a joy!
    A new beginning for all good, girls and boys.

    I think and therefore question.
    Revaluation's so unquestioned?

    Yesterday's dreams about tomorrow.
    Unchangeable and yes I really wonder.
    Alpha, omega, end or beginning.
    I question the visions to understand.

    Past fears given unto man.
    Yet are they nothing more than warnings.
    to save us, to make us simply pray.
    so we'll walk away from man's
    own judgment of all man.

    The words were meant to build fear.
    then give us hope to build in us hope.
    That then you would realize, you must be afraid.
    as to help each other, to then find hope, in prayer.
    That man will never know, the terror of judgment day.

    04/22/83


    TOGETHER ALONE

    Alone together to feel and share.
    Alone together, just you and I.
    Alone together in a crowed fair.
    Alone together just you and I.

    I want to go away with you, and you with me.
    Just to hold each other close.
    Just to say I love you.
    Together just you and me.

    Alone in nature, lovers unseen.
    Free to fill each other's glass or share a dream. Sharing
    a smile or love's feelings.
    A knowing look, which only lovers share.

    Alone just you and I.
    Alone, we sooth tender feeling bruised.
    I love being alone with you.
    Alone together just you and I.

    We need it, so it must be.
    To hold hands and talk just to you.
    And you quietly talking to me.
    Beyond where no one cares, or sees.

    Just my love, looking back at me.
    our love shines brightly from eye to eye.
    To be alone with you my love.
    Just you, alone with me.

    Alone together, to feel love shared.
    Time, so little of it we use.
    To show how much we really care.
    So alone our love must always be.

    So we can take the time.
    To love and find love shared.
    Together alone, just you with me.

    Our pleasant insanity is ours alone to share.
    Please let's get away.
    Yes just you just me.
    For the sake of love, and our sanity.

    I love you loving me.
    From the first minute I saw you.
    to the end life, to the end of eternity.
    I'll always love you, for loving me.

    Together alone just you and me.

    04/13/83


    I BROKE IT

    Sorry I broke it.
    The reason is why?
    In the end we always cry.
    So wishing to end this joke.

    Why did I break it?
    Easier to shake it.
    When there's nothing to use.
    your love, I should never abuse.

    So easy to be abused.
    Pretty flash it's just a rush.
    Then who's been used.
    When so many dollars are gone.

    So the little ones, dream on.
    All their dreams rushing past.
    So why do we smile?
    When their dreams are rushing past.

    No way to shake it.
    By using or being used.
    Pick it up, trying to break it.
    Loving it while being abused.

    Sorry I broke it, every time I can.
    Together your love's helping.
    While the broken remains.
    Lie in the bottom of a can.

    They are easier to break.
    Than our love should be.
    Sure rushes feel fine.
    But times come to stop.

    Wanting no strings on me.
    Times come to stop.
    Can we say no?
    Aw it's just a little.

    Remember those little dreams.
    Yes it's easier than it seems.
    Thinking of the little children's dreams.
    Stopping us so many times.

    But then we turn around and say.
    It's just a little here, a little there.
    When over and the money's gone.
    Little dreams have to wait, as another day
    passes on.

    A little high, or so very high.
    Rushing so good and strong.
    Questioning now is it right or wrong.
    When the children question why.

    There are no little things.
    To satisfy their, little dreams.
    What will you say?
    Your embarrassed, I'll say.

    So saying this reason is why.
    I break these soulless things
    No questions in children's eyes.
    So trying to fulfill all their little dreams.

    So I'll break those soulless things.
    to take some of the temptation away.
    then hopefully save those little dreams.
    Helping them to learn, there's joy to be
    found along life's highway.

    Circa 1982


    LITTLE BOYS LITTLE JOYS

    Blonde hair and brown eyes.
    Oh joy of the mornings.
    So pretty and noisy.
    Are joyous little boys.

    With such foolish antics.
    with eyes that seem to shine.
    I laugh and guffaw.
    As if intoxicated by strong wine.

    And guessing their words.
    Those important first words.
    Drying up the tears.
    Shoeing away the fears.

    Kissing the, boo boos.
    Washing to find a face.
    Cannot miss the halo.
    Do not forget their horns.

    They are little boys.
    When you cannot hear them.
    Oh you better find them!
    They are little boys.

    At grandma's they will stay.
    Hoping for more than a day.
    Peace and quiet at last.
    Remembering silly things, done in the past.

    The promises you made.
    When leaving early that day.
    For being so very good.
    And playing nice all day.

    Their smiling happy eyes.
    That never forget, not a single promises.
    A hug, a kiss, and I've been good all day.
    Now where is my promise?

    Oh you forgot their suckers.
    And so off to the store you will go.
    For their great reward.
    A simple, promised, sucker.


    THE SNARE

    When you are doing your thing.
    Playing your little schemes.
    Making it through another day.
    Dollars collected anywhere anyway.

    But it has a catch.
    A sly under handed snare.
    Points collected here and there.
    Stay aware or end up without a dollar.

    Scratching for the dollar.
    Going for piles of cash.
    When unaware, mistakes are made.
    You'll end up wearing collar.
    Paranoid? Yes I had, a healthy stash.

    They can take your freedom.
    and with it your whole life.
    Those strange little things.
    Coincidences, those fishy little things.

    He's watching you, beside or behind.
    Adding infractions of every kind.
    Somewhat, within the rules.
    Definitely not, around the schools.

    His lines are drawn and stretched.
    Step over its tallied.
    Hoping he tips his hand.
    While clear and quick to catch.
    The mistakes are in contradictory lines.

    A snare to catch you.
    Shake your hand and use you.
    stay aware with your senses in line.

    You're uncomfortable and unsure.
    Underhanded are his snares.
    Crossed his lines points counted here and there.
    Read the tells then try to be sure.

    He will defeat your happiness.
    So be paranoid and scared.
    He's watching, he's waiting.
    with time on his side.
    Do not underestimate him.
    be wary and be very scared.

    Hoping to count you, one more score.
    To take your freedom with it a whole lot more
    With laws designed to trap.
    Then slowly destroy your mind.
    For having crossed all society's lines.

    Circa 1980


    GREAT WATERS

    The vastness unimagined.
    Living and alive.
    Movement eternal.
    The restless waters are full of life.

    The mariner's wife.
    All man'
    s mother.
    Awesome in anger.
    Lulled to mirrored images.

    Starting just inches below.
    To depths filled with frightening creatures.
    To us unwary beings.
    Filled with nightmares unseen.

    With so many things unseen.
    Gliding silently by.
    Eat or be eaten.
    It is the law of the sea.
    For fish and many other living things.

    Man, is the out of place being.
    Above and below the restless waves.
    There are so many terrifying things.
    Where death silently waits, unseen.

    Yet within her bosom he plays.
    A real world of fantasy sights.
    On and below her lacy waves.
    First loved on sight, for enjoyment he stays.

    1984


    WHAT MAMA DIDN'T SAY?

    Mama said you'll get in trouble, if you do that.
    Yes my mama said.
    The trouble she meant, I
    did not understand.
    So the troubles soon began.

    Troubles started, the day I did,
    took her out and loved her, A sweet little girl.
    Made a man of a child.

    Yet too young to be a man.
    He could not understand.
    The boy was acting like a man.

    Playing at the game of love.
    To foolish to fully understand.
    Yes he forgot what mama said.
    Forgot, because he could not understand.

    Our foolish young lover filled with desires.
    Innocently we lovers learn to cry.
    Loving too much too soon.
    Not comprehendingly, specifically why.

    And so each other we hurt.
    Mama's warning so misunderstood.
    Desiring love without ever knowing.
    the true reason why.
    Needing love, not lovers passing by.

    You're growing too fast.
    Not realizing just how we have grown.
    Mama said, her warnings so unclear.
    But our innocents too soon have past.

    Mama said you'll get in
    Trouble if you do that.
    Her warnings were still, so unclear.
    their innocent desires, knew no fear.
    Only a desire to hold each other near.

    In innocent exploration.
    Our desires begin.
    Our gentle touching exciting us.
    With feelings too good to fear, Mama's
    warning still so unclear.

    The birds and bees.
    So little was said of these.
    Such a natural action.
    Boys and girls mutual attraction.

    So little she said.
    You will get in trouble if you do that.
    Yes my mama said.
    You will get in trouble if you do that.
    Though not explaining why.

    So many children cry, then find
    it hard to say good bye.
    Mama said but did not tell you why.
    She forgot about the many tears left to cry.

    January 1982