It should have been the perfect vacation. A beautiful island without a soul in sight. Blue sea so clear I can see the reef. Palm trees swaying in the wind, and a girl with barely a scrap of clothing on. There is only one problem. She is a zombie and she wants to eat me. That's right. My only companion is a creature with a hunger for human flesh. I should bash in her brains and toss her in the ocean but I don't have a volleyball to talk to. All I have is this diary and my own Zombie-Wilson.

From the Author

I Hate Coconuts

Apparently, there are multiple ways to spell coconut. There is the version without an 'A' henceforth known as "The Coconut." Then there is the little sucker with an 'A' that makes it sound like it should be in a tall mocha. Don't get me wrong, coconuts are great. Without coconut, German chocolate cake would be layers of cake surrounded by a puddle of syrup.

We wouldn't get coconut cream pie - it would just be cream pie and that is only good for throwing at clowns. Think of all the wonderful Thai dishes that rely on coconut milk. Now imagine those made with goat milk and you will imagine a world in peril.

A fancy drink at a tropical getaway is very fine in a coconut shell, but let's be honest here. You could toss the coconut shell and just mix the stuff in a coffee mug and it would get you just as buzzed.

Now, according to Wiki - the online source I do ALL of my important research on - the reason coconut is sometimes spelled as cocoanut is "That is the old fashioned form of the word." Really? That's the best that the world authority of unverified information can come up with?

No wonder I had to go through this manuscript with a fine tooth comb and correct all the misspellings of coconut. I now hate the word. It can burn in the nine pits of hell with all the words that end with some variation of -ible and -able. Those snide little monkeys that have a life of their own and frequently run around with "I before E" words.

So, I hate coconuts. And cocoanuts, for that matter.

For the purposes of this manuscript I have chosen to use the spelling of coconut. I apologize to the old fashioned people in advance.

-Timothy W. Long

"About this title" may belong to another edition of this title.

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