Alan Martin

Alan Martin, born in England, was a boy who thought comedy was the key to popularity. Studying his more humorous peers, he strived to be laughed with, instead of laughed at. Progress was slow until, at the age of fifteen, someone passed him a rugby ball. Derisive shouts of, "Run Martin run!" came from his teammates. Driven by a fear of being legitimately mauled, he stunned everyone by running half the field to score a try. The effect on Alan's popularity was almost instant. Cracks appeared in social barriers which for years he had failed to penetrate by attempting to be witty.

From then on, the jokes were locked up. They spent years simmering at the back of Alan's mind whilst he chased balls like a delighted canine. Now, over two decades later, the jokes have broken free. Be warned, they have changed. The gags have toughened up during the years of captivity and have lost the craving to be loved. They have become cruel, ruthless and depraved.

Please approach with caution.