William Johnson

A child of a virgin birth, William Johnson was brought into this world below decks of a cargo ship on its way from Tunis to, for unexplained reasons, the Tropic of Capricorn.

Despite the ship sinking, Johnson swam all the way to Perth and was instantly named commander of the Australian naval forces where he sailed to Canada and declared war.

After becoming a heralded major league baseball player, Johnson decided to write for a website about movies. He was briefly investigated by the FBI and, upon learning of his conception in Tampa, Florida (though by who and to whom it is unknown), Johnson served his mandatory one episode appearance on Cops and had to eat six pork rinds a day for eleven months.

When he returned to his homebase in Phoenix, Arizona, he decided to write books though, at this juncture, he can't put the 's' on the end of 'books' without someone getting snippy about the fact that he's only been published once.

Somewhere along the line he spawned progeny and the royal line will live on.

In all honesty, Will is a shy, single guy (eligible bachelor ladies!) who likes Star Trek and lives with his nearly-three year old daughter Lizzie, the love of his life. No dogs or cats or birds or monkeys or donkeys or any of that crazy stuff. . .