Michael Beyer

What I am is a retired school teacher. They say old English teachers never die, they just lose all their class. Well, now that I am among the ones without class, I have taken up telling stories, mostly lies... er... fiction.

I see myself as a writer as being a surrealist. My stories tend to be self portraits made from the view in the fun-house mirrors of my life experience. I write about nudists a lot because I have known a few and lived among them a bit. I write about farmers a lot because I come from farm families on both my mother's and my father's side. I have driven a tractor and shoveled poop from cow pens, pig pens, and chicken coops. I write about school kids a lot because I was one once, and because I taught over 2,000 of them in 31 years of teaching. Those are all things that warp the view of the real world and make it surreal. Not as severely as Stephen King. I am not a horror writer. I am a humor writer, though my stories are supposed to make you cry a little too and check under the bed a little before you can sleep too.

So, now that you know that about me, I hope you can still read and enjoy what I have written. I had to write it all. It was burning its way through me to get into print. And I can offer no further excuses for my literary sins and purple paisley prose.