Terri Cook

I'm Terri Cook from Central NY. My husband (Vince) and I have written a book about a life changing experience. We hope by sharing our story we might help change a lot of other lives too.

It's been nearly three years since we first found out the child we thought was our daughter is really our son. But it was years before that when a suicide attempt introduced us to a world of struggles, with innumerable sleepless nights, endless fears and lots of tears. Our child did not wake up one morning and profess that he was a boy, not a girl. Rather, he endured depression, anxiety, bullying, and torment before he could put words to his inner struggle and understood that his gender identity was the source of his pain.

We confided in few people at first, then slowly surrendered our insecurities to instead arm ourselves with knowledge. The decision to embrace, rather than reject, our path transformed our lives. We supported our teenage son's transition from female to male. Over the years, our family has transitioned along with him.

Many transgender people and their families went before us sharing their stories and helped us understand what it means to be transgender. Through their courage and insight, we learned how to best support our son and help save his life. Now, we want to give back and share our story.

Our son's struggle to understand, accept, and simply be who he is nearly cost him his life. He had a family that loved and supported him, and yet it has been (and continues to be) a difficult journey. Many of the fears and difficulties of being transgender (or having a transgender loved one) are compounded by the lack of awareness and acceptance in our society. For this reason, we've decided to share our story ... with the hope of increasing awareness and bringing about change. We have come to understand that most people (including us at one time) have no idea what it means to be transgender or the challenges faced by transgender individuals.

This book is more than just a mile walk in our shoes because our son is transgender. It's a story about how a young, middle-class family discovered how much they didn't know. Our ignorance translated into fear, desperation, and pain. With a lot of help from others we learned the truth. We think everyone will benefit from the allies and angels in our life.

The poet Maya Angelou says, "When you know better, you do better."

We hope that our story, and all of our efforts to publicize it, will help people to know better. We do believe in humanity and we have no doubt that people will do better when they know better--regarding transgender people and all other marginalized populations.

Vince is a software engineer with a B.A. in Physics and a M.S. in Mechanical Engineering. Terri is a retired project engineer with a B.A. in Mathematics and a M.S. in Management Systems. After rewarding careers with Lockheed Martin, both left the corporate world to pursue their passion for compassion, advocacy, and helping create a world full of allies. Terri and Vince live in Central NY with their two sons, Billy and Drew, and their beloved border collie, Missy.